South Africa: Day 19, Strand

The view of the mountains from our balcony (the beach is visible to the other direction)

We woke up this morning nervous about Tisetso’s reaction to going to church. We were able to secure his approval and a little excitement by letting him wear his suit coat, button down shirt, and tie. We also brought bribes in the form of gummy bears and the iPad. 

We visited a local church that was only 15 minutes away. It was different than Redeemer Fellowship in many ways, but similar in others (reformed, confessional, missional), and we were glad to be there. We attended the family service and were thankful when the children’s sermon was on Adam and Eve (the story we had right the night before and several before that). Tisetso was taking it in and enjoyed hearing something he had heard recently. 

After church, we headed to Woolworth’s Food Market to get groceries. If you’re a human, you know that visiting a grocery store in the afternoon on Sunday is a great, quiet time to go. Ha! It was insane. It was hard to find what we needed because half of what we needed didn’t exist here and the other half was mixed in with things we didn’t know existed. Thankfully, the veggies and fruit were super easy to find! It took us about 45 minutes to find enough stuff to last us a couple of days (so we thought).

After church, we made lunch back at the flat and lounged around for a bit. At some point, we walked down the road to an ice cream shop across from the beach. It was a good little walk and a nice day for it.

We ended the day by watching Harry Potter (of course).

I found this hottie at the beach.

Our view in the evening

South Africa: Day 18, Centurion & Strand

We started today by finishing up our packing. Our flight to Cape Town took off at 1:45 p.m, so we had plenty of time to get ready. The real challenge was going to be fitting our three duffels, two carry on suitcases, three backpacks, and one kid into our car. Thankfully, after much maneuvering on Brian’s part, we were able to get everything to fit.

Our ride to the airport was uneventful, thankfully. We were able to turn in our car with little hassle and got to the airport. We had our bags wrapped with a plastic akin to saran wrap to make sure they wouldn’t be messed with. It was entertaining to watch and helpful. We checked into our flight. Because our luggage is earmarked for international travel and not the domestic flight we took, I was worried we would have to pay a lot to get our luggage on the plane. Thankfully, Mango does weight a little differently. We were allotted 60kg (20kg for each bag), but our bags weighed around 75kg total, with each bag being slightly over. Instead of having to pay a fee for each bag, we paid only for the 15kg we were over. 

At security, they confiscated my needlenose pliers (which I use for cross stitch). I went through the TSA and British security with no incident, and the South African airport even allows liquids! We sat around for a little bit before grabbing a quick lunch at a cafe, getting through security about two hours before our flight boarded. That was a nice time buffer to have. Thankfully, traveling with Tisetso was relatively uneventful. Aside from him not wanting to move quickly when we needed him to (to and from the bathroom just before the flight), we were alright.

Tisetso loved looking out the window when we were getting ready to land.

This was Tisetso’s third time being on a plane. Thanks to Mommy Tahiyya, who takes her kids on holiday, he had been to Cape Town before! The other thing that made the trip easy was our big gift to him. He got his very own iPad. He was excited to check out the Harry Potter Lego app, but sadly, I think he’ll need a year or two before being able to do that one. He watched Batman, Ben Ten, and Jake and the Neverland Pirates on the plane.  

Getting some tips from Brian.

It was cool to see the different terrains of South Africa. Our flight only took an hour and 45 minutes, but we still covered a lot of land. Tisetso helped us land safely by pressing the right buttons (his table switch). Phew! The landscape was very different than what we had left behind. Now, instead of large rolling hills, there were huge mountains by the ocean. This is my happy place!

Tisetso takes on Cape Town!

After having to navigate our luggage carts down a tunnel and then back up the other side, I was ready for air conditioning! We picked up our car and were ready to go! The only issue Brian ran into was the turning signal was on the wrong side of the wheel. Every time he went to turn, he accidentally hit the windshield wipers. He'll probably have it figured out just in time to leave.

We made it safely to the flat that we are renting for the first 9 days we are here. It’s in Strand (on Strand Beach), which is just east of Cape Town. The flat is perfect! There’s a room for Tisetso, for us, and even an office for Brian. We have our windows open all of the time. There’s always a breeze and the sound of the waves and the smell of the salt water! I absolutely love this flat.

The gorgeous view from our balcony

We went to a restaurant on the floor level of the building for dinner. There are a few cafes and shops there as well. We enjoyed a great view of the beach activity and had a breather after a full day. Tomorrow is Sunday and church. It’ll be interesting to see how Tisetso responds this week.

South Africa: Day 17, Centurion

In the morning, we went to the coffee shop with Brian. I didn’t bring anything with me because Tisetso said he wanted to do school. What he really meant was he didn’t want to do school and wanted to color. Thus I sat around for two hours entertaining myself with CandyCrush. (Insert eye roll here.)

I love how he uses stickers to add to every picture he colors. He's super creative.

Using his Lacing Lion's mane to give himself a beard.

After attempting to do school (getting him to write anything), we headed to Tisetso’s old primary school. Tahiyya had secured a meeting time with Tisetso’s teacher from last year (Grade R / Kindergarten), "Teacher Emmylou". When we arrived, it was a sea of cars, children, and waiting parents. Tisetso showed us the way to his classroom. Because Emmylou was still dismissing the children, Tisetso played on the playground with some of his school friends and Brian and I talked with Tahiyya. When all of the kids had been released, save for one boy who’s dad was running late, we pulled up some chairs and talked for a good while about Tisetso and his time in Emmylou’s classroom. (Tisetso played outside with the boy, who happened to be in his class last year.)

One thing that has been overwhelmingly clear from the beginning is that God has placed people in Tisetso’s life over and over again who have fought for him. Teacher Emmylou was no exception. There was a woman who came to the school to offer occupational therapy for kids and Tisetso was assessed by her. She told Teacher Emmylou Tisetso would never advance past where he was at that time. She didn’t believe he would ever be able to write or grow developmentally. Teacher Emmylou told her she was wrong and believed he would meet the expectations put before him. Over the course of the year, Tisetso was able to write, color, and do anything else another kindergartner should be able to do. That woman was proved wrong because of the determination and persistence of Teacher Emmylou.

One thing you have to know about Tisetso is that he doesn’t give his trust easily. Brian and I are working every day to gain his trust. Teacher Emmylou had to do the same thing, she just had less time in which to gain that trust. Her love for her students was very evident as she spoke about her job and working with Tisetso to help him. We are so thankful for her and the way she worked hard to help Tisetso learn.

When we were done talking with Emmylou, we headed outside to find Tisetso and his friend using wheelbarrows to transport dirt from one side of the playground to the other. Before we left, we snapped a quick picture with Tisetso, his friend, their wheelbarrows, and Teacher Emmylou. 

Teacher Emmylou

In need of lunch, we stopped at KFC on our way to a bird garden. While I was waiting for Tisetso and Brian to bring the food over, a women who worked at KFC asked me if Tisetso was my son. When I told her yes, she asked if he was adopted. She then told me how fortunate he was. I was curious why she said that, so I asked. She said that there are few opportunities in South Africa and she knew there were more in America. She told me she has a son with disabilities and she was not hopeful for his future. Moments like this are hard. On the one hand, I hope Tisetso does have a brighter future because of this adoption. On the other hand, he is losing a lot—particularly his culture. We will work hard to make sure he understands and remembers as much as possible, but there is a loss.

When we arrived at the bird gardens, we had no idea what to expect. It was incredible! We enjoyed every minute (well, Brian and I). Tisetso had other feelings of skepticism concerning the thickness of the glass, structural integrity of the cages, roaming birds, and whether the birds and animals could get to him. This place was so opposite of America. I could have pet a lemur if I wanted to (and probably lost a finger in the process). There was one enclosure you could walk through and see some birds flying around from tree to tree. When we were walking around the enclosure, we heard this terrifying noise. It sounded like a mixture of growling, screaming, and laughing. It ended up being this very aggressive looking monkey hopping around within the enclosure people were walking in. I was convinced we were going to see people get their faces ripped off. Brian began filming for evidence. We later found a door to this enclosure in which the warning that there were “roaming lemurs” inside. No joke!

I got to feed birds!

Waving to the meerkats.

I loved this place. My nature ADD was off the chart here. I would really like to go again when we head back to Johannesburg for our embassy interview. At the end, we had about 30 minutes before closing. We found a little cafe with an awesome playground for Tisetso to play on. The whole experience cost around $5 and was totally worth it!

Tisetso did not like that the bird was BEHIND him. I told him I would not let the bird get him.

I was finally able to get this picture, but he's still unsure of the whole situation.

I enjoyed Tisetso sharing with me what a Hadeeda was (a larger bird that sounds like a shrieking child). I’ve been woken up by these blasted birds just about every morning in the guest house. It’s always fun when Tisetso shares with us something that is foreign to us, but common for him. It is one of the reasons we chose South Africa when we decided to adopt—we wanted to experience our child’s culture with him.

After a fun day, we headed back to the guest house. No day was complete without watching Harry Potter, which we did for the fifth time!

Riding the knight like Ron in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.

South Africa: Day 16, Centurion and Atteridgeville

Us, our handsome boy, and Roy.

We are now a family of three! This morning went so quickly. It hardly felt like the culmination of the work for a little over two years, but it was! We got to the court and waited for about 30 minutes (we were there early). At a little past 10:00, the presiding officer ushered us into her office. We sat at a round table: the social workers, Mommy Tahiyya (Tisetso’s favorite caregiver and foster mother for the past several years), our lawyer, the court clerks, and us. 

While waiting for the court to start, Tisetso did some practicing.

Some paperwork was signed and the office asked us questions along the lines of “Would you like to proceed with the adoption?” and “Have you tried a local worm dish?” You know, the usual. Then out of no where, she started reading the ruling that our adoption was finalized. Tisetso was now Tisetso Malcolm, with all of the rights that come with that. He now had approval to leave the Republic of South Africa to travel to the United States of America with his parents, Mr. and Mrs. Malcolm.

It was at this point that I grabbed Brian’s hand and had to hold back tears. Mommy Tahiyya (as she will forever be known as in our family) and Brian and I had a moment of mutual thanksgiving. A boy we love very much was no longer a kid in the child welfare system. He was Tisetso Malcolm.

First Malcolm family picture with the three of us.

Mommy Tahiyya (center) has been instrumental in raising our son. She is an incredible woman who loves the many children in her care.

After court was a whirlwind of photos and information. We found out our case was the first international adoption in the Atteridgeville court! Tisetso had enough of the photos around three, but it just kept going. When we finally managed to sneak away, we loaded back into the car and headed to our guest house. Tisetso wanted pizza for lunch. Seeing an opportunity, I asked Brian to take Tisetso for an outing to get pizza (Tisetso’s choice for his special day lunch). Alone time for the first time since before London. My heart felt refreshed! Unfortunately for Brian, the first two places he stopped didn’t work out and he had to try a third place! (It was fine by me as I got an hour of quiet.)

Rose (left) and Brad (right) who have helped our case along here in South Africa. They will be working on our case for the next year to year and a half!

After a lunch of pizza, Brian and Tisetso swam in the pool. I “helped” by staying out of the freezing water and keeping the super sweet dog away from Tisetso. When Tisetso was tired of swimming, we did a quick shower and headed out to his party. We stopped quickly for gas and to pick up ice cream, then were back on the road.

The care home where Tisetso has spent the past six years was in full swing. The kids were excited about their bubbles and made quick work of using up all of the solution (some by blowing bubbles, others by dumping it onto the ground and/or drinking some). After bubbles, Tisetso brought the two garbage bags of balloons I had blown up out to the backyard. Chaos ensued. Some balloons were played with and some were promptly popped. After balloons, Brian and I snuck away to buy too many pizzas. Tisetso can eat three slices, no problem, so I counted for each kid to eat at least two pieces, maybe three. We still had eight pizzas left over when the kids were done! We also brought cream soda (Tisetso’s favorite) and ice cream. The kids were properly sugared up! 

Tisetso spent a little time with his friends after dinner, but after a while he was ready to go. He didn’t want to say goodbye to anyone, but we asked him to say goodbye to one of the "Aunties" who has been there with him from the beginning. We will spend a month in Cape Town before returning to the Johannesburg / Pretoria area. We plan on going back to the care home to have a final goodbye, but this one felt final in a way. Tisetso will never sleep in that home again. He will not play with all of the brothers and sisters he has grown up with for the next month. As much as he can, I see him processing this information and my heart breaks for him. Yes, adoption is good, but it’s also painful. This is the painful part.

Please pray for our little family. We want to grow to love each other more and to serve each other well. We want to be the best parents for Tisetso possible. We want to lead our son in truth and love. Today was a big day for our family, and we are excited for what the future holds.

South Africa: Day 15, Centurion

Today was the hardest day. We started off the day with T not speaking to us for an hour. After he finally talked, I excused myself and had a cry in the bathroom. Adoption is hard work—emotionally and physically. It is good, but hard. The morning left me feeling spent the rest of the day, which was hard to push through.

We spent the rest of the day taking it easy. Our lawyer here in South Africa (Brad) and social worker (Rose) met us at the guest house for lunch. They walked us through what we could expect and logistics of what the rest of our time in South Africa would look like. It was good to finally meet with them. We’ve talked with Rose quite a bit leading up to this and knew Brad was working hard on our case. Their passion to care for children was evident from the beginning. They loved on T and he ate every minute of it up. Brad even taught T how to play rock, paper, scissors.

We finally got T to pet the dog! We had to bribe him R2 (10 cents).

After they left, we headed to a giant mall as we had a big list of things to get for court (a button-down shirt for Brian) and supplies for T’s celebration party tomorrow evening. We ended up eating dinner at the mall and heading home a few hours later.

When we got back, we settled in, watched some Batman, and hit the hay! As I watched T sleeping in the weirdest position ever, I decided I would go through today again, because it meant we were a family. Family is messy, no matter how it is created. Today was hard and there will be other hard days. But even in the midst of those days, there are moments of love and joy that make working through the difficult days worth every minute.

Laying across the bed with his legs off the side, while holding onto his pillow for safety.

It is a big day tomorrow. Court is at 10:00 am and should take around an hour (if all goes well). We hope it goes smoothly and come out as a family of three at the end!

South Africa: Day 14, Centurion

Today was sometimes good and sometimes rough. It included many awesome T smiles (they light up the room) and four, for lack of a better word, shut downs. The shut downs are when T refuses to talk with us or look at us or acknowledge our existence. They are stressful, difficult, and frustrating.

When we got up, we presented T with three options. We could go to the lion park, the elephant park, or the Cradle of Humankind (caves, fossils, etc.). He didn’t want any. After about 20 minutes of talking with him, he chose the caves. Right after that he shut down. We spent the next bit trying to get him to talk with us again. After he opened back up, we packed him up for the day and headed to a local coffee shop.

When we pulled up, T didn’t want to go to the coffee shop. Brian offered to run in and get his coffee, then we could leave. Then T wanted to go in. (We see this a lot. He changes his mind every five seconds.) Inside, T and I ordered a hot chocolate (T wanted his with some coffee) and Brian got an Americano. We all pulled up to the bar and got to working. Brian had actual work to do, while T and I colored (I was forced to draw animals, God help us) and T applied stickers and drew background scenes. T’s hot chocolate showed up with a dog drawn into the foam! It was really cool and he seemed to enjoy it. After we were done at the coffee shop, we packed up and headed to the Cradle of Humankind. We were a little vague with T as we didn’t want him to shut down again. 

I was forced to draw animals. T would embellish.

It was so nice to get out of the city and into the countryside. Our drive was about an hour total, so we saw a lot of really neat things along the way and a bit more to the other side of South Africa. During our drive we drove by two towns comprised completely of shanties. These homes were made of metal sides and maybe a metal roof, otherwise a tarp roof. Each one was no more than 6’x6’. When we drove past again at night, there were few lights as the homes do not have electricity.

These huts were as far as the eye could see!

After passing those towns, we were stopped by a traffic officer who was on the side of the road waving cars over for random checks. It was an unwelcome stop as we didn’t know what awaited. The officer started by asking for Brian’s license. Brian handed over his international driver’s permit and his Illinois driver’s license. Then the cop asked Brian who T was and why he was with us. After explaining we were adopting him and it would be finalized Thursday, the cop told us he would have to fine us 1,000 Rand ($50) for not having some sort of government document for driving. We had been told we only needed a valid US license (and that the international permit was just a bonus). He insisted we had to get this document from an office in Pretoria and he would have to fine us. When Brian said that would be okay and to please give us the bill and that we would mail in the payment, the cop changed his tune and said he would let us off today. He then asked us for water (we had none for him) and let us go on our way. 

We called our social worker in Cape Town and asked about this special document he said we needed. She said he was a crooked cop and he must have been hoping to pocket the R1,000. Thankfully, Brian responded correctly by asking for the ticket.

After that fun, we headed to the Cradle of Humankind. It is a worldwide heritage site, so we wanted to check it out. We bought the tickets and headed inside. After a quick lunch with a gorgeous view, we started the tour of the museum. It started with a boat ride. Unfortunately, it was the scariest boat ride I had ever been on and T agreed. By the second turn, T was crying and frantically clinging to Brian. I wanted the blasted ride to end, too, but now I’m a parent and I’m not allowed to cry and cling to Brian. At the end of the ride, my heart was pounding. The guy at the ticket counter said we would be in the museum for about an hour. For the Malcolm family, it ended up being about 20 minutes (10 for the terrifying boat ride, 5 for running through the museum, and 5 for a bathroom stop). 

At least when they dump you miles from your car you have a nice view.

After trekking back to our car (because the museum goes straight back and dumps you miles from your car), we stopped just before getting in to ask about a huge, white mountain you could see in the distance. The car attendant told us it wasn’t a mountain, but the leftovers of a gold mine that stopped ten years ago. 

Old gold mine.

Our ride back to the guest house was less eventful, thankfully. We got back and T rode around on his crocodile in the pool with me while Brian sat in the dining room and was able to watch us and talk with us while working. After an hour or so of swimming and down time, we packed up and headed to Carnivore.

When Brian and I had to get our vaccines for this trip, we had to include typhoid because we are “adventurous eaters” (a qualifier for the CDC to get that vaccine). Carnivore is akin to a Brazilian steak house, but instead of salted beef, they bring around exotic (to us) meats. We ate impala, blesbok, crocodile, and kudu. My personal favorites were the springbok samosas and zebra. I could have done without the crocodile.

Our ride back was later than we’ve gone before. I was a little terrified, but Brian got us back safely. It was actually neat to see Johannesburg in lights. After a huge meal, we all slept well.

South Africa: Day 13, Centurion

We started the day off with breakfast at our guest house (bed and breakfast). Brian had to get some work done, so he headed off to a coffee shop for the morning. T and I played with Legos (I mainly built prisons for criminals using our Magnatiles and broke them out for entertainment). We walked around the house and counted lizards, snails, and caterpillars and found a massive ant colony under a garden gnome. After we had expended all the yard had to offer, we spent about an hour throwing the inflatable crocodile around and then slashing it to move to the other side of the pool. It was a pretty great morning.

Throwing the crocodile.

Waiting for the crocodile to float back.

I'm stuffing this dog into my carry-on as my souvenir.

After the fun had been squeezed out of the crocodile throwing, we headed back to our room. Brian was on his way back and T did not want to do anything but watch a show. I didn’t see any harm in that as we had not watched TV all day. When Brian got home and told T we were going to a place for lunch, T shut down. As we deduced later, we think the shut down was in part because he didn’t get to pick the restaurant and also because he didn’t get to finish the show. If our theory is correct or not, it didn’t change the result. We were talking to a child who wouldn’t listen. We eventually got him outside (after I carried him as far as I could without him squirming out of my arms) and into the car. Once in the car, we implored him to tell us what was wrong (we had done this many times up to this point). He said he didn’t want to go and he wanted to stay at the guest house, eat lunch, and watch TV. We were so relieved to actually get anything out of him that Brian went and picked up McDonald’s and brought it back to the guest house.

I cannot tell you how hard these episodes are. It’s hard because typical parenting doesn’t work. We can’t just send him to his room or tell him if he doesn’t talk, we’re going to do what we wanted (go to a cool place and eat delicious food, not cold McDonald’s). My first response is to tell him if he doesn’t talk to us and answer our questions, then we cannot do what he wants and that’s just going to have to be ok. It seems a reasonable response, but it doesn’t work when you’re trying to build attachment. You have to gain the trust and get that communication open again. You have to keep asking questions, even and especially when you get no response. You have to keep telling your child you love them and want to know what they want. This process is heartbreaking and hard. It’s tiring and frustrating. 

Our afternoon was low key after that point. T wanted to swim a little while later and I obliged and jumped into the freezing water to tow T around on the crocodile. After getting out, changing, and warming up, T announced he wanted to go to the place Brian had suggested for supper (the place that produced the meltdown at lunch). 

The creepy gnomes T keeps insisting we move. There are always ants under one of them.

Montecasino is huge. It definitely draws inspiration for the Bellagio insomuch as it has indoor areas to walk that look like a small Italian village and shops. It has a cinema, comedy club, tons of restaurants, a bird sanctuary, and, of course, a casino. We ended up eating at a place called The Meat Co. Brian had a stuffed fillet and I had a lamb shank. After dinner we walked around for a little bit, but were being mindful that it was time to head back as it was getting dark.

While driving home, we saw an overturned truck and there were many, many people bending over and lifting. I thought the truck had overturned and there were people injured. There were so many cars that had pulled over to the side of the road to help, even people rushing down a hill from the bridge above. It was truly amazing to see people pull together to save…beer. A beer truck had overturned. The people bravely putting their lives at risk on the side of the highway were grabbing as much beer as they could carry. Taxis (12 passenger crazy vans which are above all law) were pulled over with people leaping out to grab cans and bottles. The police were there, but simply to make sure no one was injured while looting. It was a good laugh for Brian and I as we headed home. I was sad not to have snapped a picture while we were driving by!

South Africa: Day 12, Centurion

T playing with an accordion thingy. He keeps shoving Lego people into it and they keep getting stuck. My life now includes rescuing stuck Lego people. And yes, that's a Lego port-o-let in the top left corner.

Attachment is such a tricky thing. If you’re born into a family, you’re biologically predisposed to be attached to your mother. When, for whatever reason, that attachment is broken, it’s hard to build back. Thankfully, T has a great relationship with one of his caregivers. He (and the others at the care home) has called her "mommy" all his life and she has done all she can to make sure that life has been good. The care and trust in that relationship has helped rebuild T's ability to attach (bond) with us.

Because Brian and I are walking into this relationship and starting new with T, we are working hard to create that bonding and attachment that don’t come easily. In attachment, it’s all about saying "yes" as much as possible. Can your child get a suit coat and bow tie? Yes. Can your child pick the restaurant for every meal? Yes. Can your kid eat pretty much whatever they want within reason? Yes. Can you kid watch Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone four nights in a row? Yes. (To be fair, I’m definitely down with that last one.) It helps the child feel like they have some control in a world that is dramatically changing around them. It helps them to see that we care for and love them and are willing to go to great lengths for them to trust us.

T's new threads.

Today was the first big test of the attachment that Brian and I have been working so hard to build. In our preparation for breakfast and for the day, we told T we were going to church, then lunch (he can pick the restaurant), then swimming in the pool, then dinner (once again, he can pick the restaurant). He started freaking out that church was a bad, scary place and he didn’t want to go. We told him that our family goes every week and that we could talk about it after breakfast. We wanted to give him some time to think about it.

When the time came to leave, he started acting out in ways unusual for him. He took apart several of his Lego cars while staring off into the distance, would not hold our hands, and would not make eye contact. The last two meant we were pushing our relationship and his ability to trust us into new territory. We sat down on his level and told him we would never do anything to hurt him and that he could trust us. We wanted him to trust us with this. We told him that if, once we were there, he felt uncomfortable or wanted to leave at any time, we would. After talking to him (that’s what it felt like) for about 20 minutes and hugging him and reassuring him that he would be ok, we picked him up (he would not walk with us) and carried him to the car.

The whole car ride was suspenseful. He (thankfully) was still communicating with us through nods and shakes of his head, but it was little more than that. I gave him a box of TicTacs to hold on to and eat as he wished. When we pulled up to the church, he flat out refused to go. Brian took him out of his booster seat and he tried to get back in. Brian reminded him that we wanted him to try to go and that if after he tried, but still wanted to leave, we would. 

Walking up to the church was like walking with a zombie. It was all we could do to get him to walk. Thankfully, even though we arrived late, they had three seats together on the end of an aisle (this was unusual as the church apparently had 50 people sitting in the overflow later on due to lack of seats). T automatically sat down (even though everyone else was standing) and just stared. We offered him a sweatshirt (because this church makes the North Pole seem warm), crayons and paper, a fidget toy, gum, water, snacks, etc. He didn’t want anything. After about 15 minutes of him staring, you could see him start to look around and observe what was going on. He eventually accepted the sweatshirt and gum, and even his posture was a little more relaxed. About an hour later (still just listening and not playing), he leaned over and said he wanted to go, so we did. Although doing so in the middle of the sermon was a little awkward, we wanted to keep our word.

Later, in a mall (duh!), we thanked him for trusting us that he wouldn’t be hurt. We asked him what he thought. He said it was nice and he liked the singing. He wanted to go back tomorrow. We told him we only go on Sundays, but that we could try it again next Sunday. At this point, my heart felt 10,000 times lighter. He didn’t hate us. Our attachment wasn’t starting back at square one! 

While in the mall, we broke down and bought T a suit coat, dress shirt, bow tie, and neck tie. This kid. He has been asking every single day we were out for a tie. Doesn’t he know we only wear t-shirts and jeans? He’ll learn! But he’s going to look snazzy for our court date, that’s for sure!

The bow tie has robots on it. ROBOTS!

We spent the afternoon lounging around, watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates, and swimming. I got to pet an awesome bulldog a ton (she’s the guard dog for the guest house). I’m pretty sure that any criminal could gain easy access by petting her belly, which she presents instantly upon seeing any human.

My new best friend.

Riding on his crocodile (his choice over a shark, dolphin, or sting ray floatie).

Tonight was wrapped up by another requested video chat session with the Oneal family and finishing up the second half of Harry Potter (with all of the scary bits skipped, which ends up to be a lot in that portion, apparently). He’s now strewn across his bed (I don’t know how he sleeps in the twisted, bent ways he does) and fast asleep.

Brian and I are so thankful T trusted us the way he did. We know this is not usual. We know this is the answer to so many people praying for us and encouraging us. Today could have gone in a completely different direction. It could have been bad—really bad—but it wasn’t. It ended up being good—really good. My heart is so full right now. What a good and faithful God we serve.

South Africa: Day 11, Centurion

New watch, new headphones and playing with Legos. Living the dream.

Today was filled with ups and downs. It started early like yesterday, not because of T, but because our air conditioner unit was leaking onto our carpet. I woke up to sodden thumps on the carpet. After cleaning up a watery mess, we went back to sleep. T has always been an early riser (or so his file claimed). Today, he slept until 7:45 when we woke him up for breakfast (which they were serving at 8). He still seemed reluctant to get up, but was finally persuaded with the promise of fruit and corn flakes.

It was one of the colder days (high of around 75°F), so the pool was not an option today. Our morning was spent working on Legos and building a new set Brian had bought last week. I built a porta-potty. This is my life now. Building toilets. I love it! We colored and spent some time reading books. We also gave T his headphones (which go to his iPad, but he doesn’t know that yet). He enjoyed decorating them (they came with stickers) and listening to music on Brian’s phone.

Around lunch, T announced he wanted to go to the care home for lunch and dinner today. Needing to know if we should pack his clothes and toiletries, we asked if he wanted to sleepover with us. He said yes. Or did he want to sleepover at the care home. He said yes. We brought the clothes just in case. 

It was hard realizing he might want to spend the night at the care home. I totally understood why—he’s missing his family (all of the other kids there and his caregivers) and his home. But for some reason, I felt we hadn’t done enough that morning to make him want to stay with us. Brian reminded me that he was obviously confused (hence the yes to sleeping over at both places) and that we were still the new ones, the unknown. It’s hard seeing him torn between his old life (which is still fresh on his mind and heart) and his new life (with us crazies as his mom and dad). 

When we arrived at the home, it was close to lunch. When the kids sat down, they began handing out chicken burgers. I tell you—this kid knows when a burger is within a 5-mile radius. He only ever orders burgers and pizzas. We’re working on getting him to eat a wider variety, but he’s pretty stubborn about his burgers.

After lunch, Brian and I did what we’ve been avoiding for years—we watched Frozen. Avoiding it for that long and finally being cornered into it in an orphanage in South Africa was ridiculous. It ended up being a good time as this is the first movie I’ve heard those kids talk/sing during. I decided to join in on the singing portion as one cannot help but know lyrics to the songs when you’ve got nieces and nephews obsessed with the movie.

T’s favorite caregiver had been told about his confusion and she decided to talk with him. She told him that from this point forward, he would stay with us. If he was really missing the home, we could call her and she would come visit us at the guest house (I really do love this woman). He ended up being ok with that decision, so she then called in the other 10 school age kids (many of whom have grown up with T) and talked with them about this transition. She asked if there were any questions. After the ensuing dialog occurred (mainly one kid saying he was bored and the kid who loves food asking what was in the donut box), T said goodbye to his friends. He will see them again on Thursday after court, but it felt heavy to me.

After a dinner at KFC (T’s choice), we did a video call with my sister and her family. It was a smashing hit! They had their kids show T their toys and ask him simple questions (favorite color, animal, etc). He liked talking with them so much that an encore Skype session was requested/demanded. With the call completed, we watched the first half of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone again. (Another step in motherhood—watching the same movie a million times.) He’s now fast asleep and I’m about to crash, too. Tomorrow will be our first full day without going to the care home.

South Africa: Day 10, Centurion

Today began early. Too early for my liking. I woke up and was convinced T would be waking up any minute. I was awake for a while before I checked the time - 2:04. T was not getting up any time soon. Around 3:00, Brian and I were up talking about life and the stress therein. I fell back asleep somewhere between 3:30 and 4:00. At 4:06, Brian woke me up to tell me T was running around, and indeed he was. We were told he typically wakes up around 6:00. It was too early. I ushered him back to bed and offered to rub his back. For the next hour and a half, I rubbed his back. Every time I thought he was asleep, I’d try to get back to sleep next to him and he’d roll over and say, “Rub more.” (He rolls his Rs and, lucky for him, it’s adorable.)

When our alarm went off at 6:15, our day began in earnest. We played with toys, read books, and did school (writing 1s, 2,s and the words for both). Brian was able to get some work done today as we didn’t have to shuttle all over the place. It was good, too, because we are finally able to get an idea of what sizes T wears. We were told 7 because he’s 7, which makes no sense. T is a small dude and size 7 clothes would fall off. Thankfully, we found out T’s Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt fits! We’re going to have to bribe him to wear it (he took it off right away), but it fits!

We grabbed a quick bite of pizza for lunch, then headed back to the guest house for swimming. We bought a huge inflatable floating crocodile (T’s choice) and some floats for the pool. After 10 minutes of blowing the darn thing up, we were ready to go! T had a lot of fun. He hopped on and I would fling him around the pool. It quickly became apparent that T does not like to fall fully into the water. After a few tumbles into the cold (and I mean cold) water, T was done. One of the owners of this place told him he could store the crocodile in the pool, so it’s floating around as we speak. I count this up as a blessing because I wasn’t sure where we could store a 4’6” long, wet inflatable crocodile in our current residence.

After the pool, we showered and headed back to the care home. T wanted to see his friends. I think this kid is a genius—10 minutes after we showed up, they rolled out the snack train. With snacks inhaled, the kids had a new vigor for playing. While T played with his friends and showed off his new wallet and watch, I got to talk with two gals from Frankfurt, Germany who are volunteering for two months at the home. It was great to talk with them and have the automatic commonality of loving the same city (I lived there for three years from 5-8 years old). We commiserated over the extremely relaxed culture and mourned for schedules and clear guidelines.

Avocado tree in the backyard of the children's home.

After some good friend time, we headed to a mall to grab some healthy snacks and dinner. At dinner, I could tell T was torn over his visit to the home. In the last 24 hours, he had spent less time with his friends than he had ever spent. I asked him if he liked seeing his friends and he shook his head no and nodded yes (we’re working on talking about our emotions). I told him it was ok to feel two things. He didn’t say anything.

Coloring at dinner. He's wearing a new t-shirt with scuba skull and crossbones. 

After dinner, and with healthy snacks in tow, we headed back to the guest house. After changing into pjs, we finished the second half of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. We stopped in the middle to do a quick call with Uncle Chance as it is his birthday. He got to talk with T (I say he talked, T grinned from ear to ear) and T got to meet his cousins Louis and Edward (Nasko was at school).

T is now tucked into bed and sleeping (I assume). Please pray for him—I can tell this whole thing is really starting to hit him as he’s now shifted from us coming to him and then leaving at the end of the day to him being with us 24 hours a day. Pray we will know how to comfort him and love on him as he’s working through these big emotions and life changes.

South Africa, Day 9, Centurion

Today started early! Our stint at our hotel in Pretoria was ending. We had packed our bags the night before, so it was really a matter of getting up early, grabbing breakfast, vacating our room, and checking into our new place (called a guest house here—a lot like a bed and breakfast). 

After checking out, we still had a little bit of time before we could check in at 10:00. Brian wanted to check out TriBeCa Coffee, so we found their roastery, which contained a small coffee shop as well. The lead barista teacher (it’s also a barista school) found out I don’t like coffee. He couldn’t believe it and told me he was going to make a traditional cappuccino for me. He handed it to me with such expectation that I would like it. I’ve never liked a coffee drink in my life. Imagine my surprise that it wasn’t terrible, I kind of liked it, and I actually finished the drink! 

T making a fashion statement by wearing goggles. From left to right: Edward, Louis, Brian, and myself.

We found T in the classroom drawing pictures (shoutout to Edward and Louis who were part of the drawing). We spent some time drawing and coloring with T before heading out. We went to a mall (of course) because there seems to be nothing else to do here. We decided on bowling and games at a place akin to Chuck E. Cheese, minus the creepy animatronic mouse. T did well with bowling and got second place. He enjoyed having free reign to pick games to play and won a whooping 150 tickets. He bought two packs of army men (with weird Plants vs. Zombies pieces mixed in) and a glow in the dark rubber ring.

T and Brian watching the progress of T's bowling ball.

While walking around, T continued his commentary about ties and watches. While we’re still hesitant about the ties (we live in jeans and t-shirts), we did decide to buy him a watch. We stopped at Swatch and let T pick out a new watch. The choice ended up being a Batman watch. He made dad proud!

After the mall, we headed back to the home to pick up T’s change of clothes and toiletries. T played with his friends for a little bit before we left to pick up pizza for our movie night. The movie? Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, naturally! It was so sad because when I posted a picture of T watching the movie, I saw that Alan Rickman had passed away. It made me sad, but glad to see T enjoying the movie and hopeful he will love the books as much as I do.

T watching Harry Potter.

After half of the movie, we tucked T in for the night. There are few times in my life I will remember as vividly as tucking in my son, telling him I love him, and kissing him on his forehead. Seeing Brian do the same was a moment I will always cherish in my heart. It’s moments like this that make me feel like a mother. It’s moments like this that make us a family.

South Africa: Day 8, Pretoria

We started today off by talking with T’s favorite caregiver and social worker and discussing a list of questions we had generated. It's been invaluable to be able to ask them anything that pops up. From the care home, we headed to the National Zoo (which is also in Pretoria). Getting there was almost more of an adventure than the zoo itself. Brian had to navigate through this crazy part of town with TONS of people milling about and cars and vans doing whatever they wanted. It should have taken us 10 minutes to get through that area, but it took almost 30. There were these commuter busses that will shoot across the road without warning. Needless to say, our lives were in peril getting to the zoo.

Naturally, Roy was along for the ride.

Because school started today, we had no issues finding parking and getting into the zoo. On a recommendation, we hired a golf cart to ride around the part. For only $7.50, we were able to zip around the entire zoo and check out all of the animals in record time. Brian and I couldn’t get over how close the animals were. We could have pet a rhino or elephant, if we had wanted too (and apparently it's somewhat acceptable according to some locals). I really did want to, but I also have to now set a good example. Stupid adulthood/parenthood. There was a tiger who was pacing back and forth the whole time. It terrified me. I thought for sure that thing was about to leap over the pit and eat us all. 

T and an elephant.

It was fun to see different animals that don't find a place in American zoos. There were these really brightly colored red birds, a cool horse/antelope thing, and more. The lions decided not to show themselves, even after visiting their habitats three times! Along with that, my Scandinavian skin rebelled and I burned. I now have raccoon eyes and an awesome burn on my arms showing off where my 3/4 length sleeves were. 

We finished at the zoo and went to a mall to walk around. Brian was able to find a shop called Old Khaki (basically American Eagle) and bought some sturdier flip flops. While there T got an ice cream treat (really my snack choice, but became his about half way through). We headed back to the care home having walked a good bit.

Saying goodbye to T was a little easier today because we knew tomorrow would be our first sleepover.

T and the rhinos with downtown Pretoria in the background.

South Africa: Day 7, Pretoria

When we got up today, we were facing a logistical problem—we were running out of clean clothes. We needed to do laundry, but didn’t want to be away from T all morning. We decided that we would see if the place we picked out would wash, dry, and fold our laundry for a reasonable price. Before we went, we decided on an amount we were willing to spend (no more than $35). Armed with that information, we headed to the laundromat. When we arrived, we asked how much it would be to take care of the giant bag of clothes. The answer? 212 Rand, which comes out to about $12.63. That was an easy decision!

On our way to the home, we got a call and text from the social worker that works full time in the home. She said T had asked for us three times (by 9:20) and she wanted to know when we were coming. Thankfully, we were 3 minutes away. Praise God he was asking for us and wanting us to come visit him. He hasn’t turned us away, yet, but it’s good to know he at least wants us to show up.

Today was a really good day with T. It was us shifting from being with T the whole day alone at the home to seeing him interact a lot with his friends for most of the day. When we got there, there were several women waiting to interview for open positions at the home, so the room we typically spend all of our time in was being used as a waiting room. We were told to go out to the classroom and visit with T there and outside today. We were excited because his file mentioned how much he loves to play outside, but he has not played outside once with us there (perhaps as a way to really focus on spending time with us specifically.

We pushed the door open to the classroom (just one room that’s about the size of an average living room) and discovered a fun chaos. Kids were dressed up, playing pretend, coloring, and assembling puzzles. One of the caregivers put out some tables and they began preparing for school, which starts tomorrow. She asked T to write his name across his coloring page, he refused, she asked again, and he lost it and began to cry. I went over and rubbed his back and asked if he wanted to come sit by us (he was across the table from where we were sitting). He said yes and he moved. I don’t know exactly what caused that response, but we will be talking with his favorite caregiver tomorrow and asking about that, along with a giant list we have.

When T got done coloring and drawing on this picture, we saved it. He's such a creative kid.

After coloring was snack time. It is never so quiet at the home as when they are feeding the kids. They get their food and silence descends. Their main goal is to finish and get extra if there are any. These kids are well fed (thank you, God), so it’s not a survival of the fittest situation. They are just intent eaters.

This wasn't the snack today, but a fruit (??) called litchi T shared with us a couple of days ago. Neither of us had had it before, so T enjoyed being the one to show us how to eat it. Note: R49.99=about $2.50

With snacks and juice consumed, we headed back to the classroom for even more chaos and fun. We observed today that T enjoys playing with his friends, but he also enjoys playing by himself amidst these friends. He played one-man cricket for a little bit before Brian stepped in to pitch. For the life of me I cannot understand why he was instructed to stay inside while partaking of this activity, but it was apparently preferred. I was waiting the whole time for someone to get beat upside the head with T’s cricket bat. Thankfully, it never happened.

Lunch was a good time with fish and chips being served. It was the first time we had eaten with all of the other kids. It was silent until the local comedian (a boisterous kid with a super fun nickname and only one volume—"11") thanked the cook for cooking his lunch today. He’s clearly the best eater in the home and Auntie Florence (the amazing cook who knows the value of a good eater) lost it with laughter. All of the kids lost it, too. To hear all of them laughing together was so sweet.

After lunch, our normal room for playing in had been vacated. T and I played with Legos and safari animals while Brian sat at the table getting a little work done. It was nice for us to be back together with just the three of us. After a while, we packed up and headed to the mall. 

We let T guide us around the mall as he desired. We ended up in many stores and admired many watches and neck ties (watches are a reoccurring theme to our mall walks, but the neck ties were a new one). At one store, he really liked a dapper straw summer hat. I had wanted to buy him one before, but I didn’t know if he would wear it. We promptly found a kids store and let him try on the four kinds of hats they had. Watching him try on hats was heart-meltingly adorable. He would put the hat on, turn his head, and consider each hat before he made his decision. I cannot wait to post a picture when the time comes. He is such a handsome little dude!

Brian, T, his purchase (hat), and Roy. Also a commemorative coin given to him by a shopkeeper.

After strolling around and getting lost (because every mall here is huge and just keeps going in weird directions), we headed to dinner (also at the mall). We let T choose where to eat and he chose a fairly posh restaurant with an interesting menu. Thankfully they had cheeseburgers (the only thing this kid eats when given a choice, apparently), so we settled into our cool chairs. T loves watching people walk by. He gets very quiet because he’s taking it all in. After eating, he opened up and started joking around with us and talking about our plans for tomorrow (visiting the zoo if the weather holds up). 

How Roy spent his dinner with us.

We are thankful for today and hopeful that tomorrow is even better. It will be our first big outing together as we will arrive at the care home early and take him out shortly after that to the zoo.

South Africa: Day 6, Pretoria

Today was hard. Today was us hitting the wall. Today was filled with ups and downs. There were a lot of factors that were different than the last five days we had visited (today was the day that most of South Africa goes back to work after Summer holiday, today was back to school, being Monday, the additional staff that works M-F were in the office, and there were a ton of visiting college students at the care home this morning, making everything loud and busy). T barely talked the whole morning. It is hard to press on when you feel like you're being ignored. 

When we went to lunch, he really opened up! He was laughing and smiling while we were playing in a children's play place. At one point, he even cracked a joke. I have joked with him at other meals asking him, “Where did your burger/chips (fries)/fill in the blank go?” because he seriously inhales his food. Today, he looks at me with a serious face and asks, “Where did my burger go?” It took me a second. When I looked for his burger (duh) and then back at his face, he had a huge grin. That kid. He’s going to fit in just fine.

My "mega" Coke Light (Diet Coke) and T's cream soda . 

The second we said we had to go back to the home, he clammed up and gave us the cold shoulder. He also tested us a lot. Anything we said "no" or "not today" to was received with asking many times more or the silent treatment. He usually answers with a nod or shake of his head if he doesn't want to use words, but he wouldn't even do that in the car on the way back from the mall. 

When we were back at the home, I asked him if he was mad at us for something. He shook his head "no." I told him it was ok if he was, and that we could talk about it if he wanted to. He nodded in understanding, then went back to playing. It lightened up after that and we ended on a good note (we got a hug when we left), but today was hard. It's hard playing with him when we're being ignored, but we kept pushing through and asking him questions, even if he would only respond with nods.

Our difficult day was topped off with a missed turn on our way back to the hotel after dinner. We discovered on the ensuing journey that our headlights point down and we can only see about 10 feet ahead of the car, that "dead robots" are even more dangerous when you’re going down roads with faster speed limits, and that Apple Maps and TomTom were both out to get us. Both apps sent us to the exact same wrong location. It’s terrifying driving around downtown Pretoria and being lost. Thankfully, we saw a landmark that was familiar and were able to get back to the hotel. We arrived shaken, but safe, something we do not take for granted. One of T’s caregivers was in a smash-and-grab Friday night (while stopped at a light, two men smashed in her window and started grabbing her phone and whatever else they could—scratching her arms badly in the process). You have to be on high alert while driving here, especially at night.

Some good things from today: T sat in my lap while I read him the same book twice in a row (his request). He called me "mommy" today (not just "Mommy Heidi" as he's been calling me). There were good moments mixed in with the hard and I’m glad for that. I didn't expect less than good and bad days. We are strangers getting ready to be a family.

Daddy and T and Roy, playing a game of soccer together.

On the whole, I think things are going well. I know he is going to fit perfectly into our family. I am excited for when he is more comfortable with us and for when we don't have to leave him at the home at the end of the day.

Look at those muscles. This kid could beat you up.

Some ways you can pray for our family: 

• Please keep T in your prayers. He has a lot going on in his head. You can tell he’s always thinking, always absorbing what’s happening around him. There is a lot going on and he’s seven. Pray for his heart and mind to be guarded from things that are said and done that might not necessarily be helpful to this attachment process.
• Pray for Brian as he is still working while here. It’s a lot to juggle—family, church, work, and more. We are thankful he’s able to still work while here, as that’s something some families spending 6-7 weeks in South Africa are unable to do.
• Pray for me. Being gone from home this long is hard and we still have 5-6 weeks to go! I miss my bed and our shower that drains properly. I miss driving around and not feeling I have to be on high alert while waiting at a stop light. I do not miss the winter, so praise there. Well, technically I'm missing winter, but I digress.

South Africa: Day 5, Pretoria

Today saw an early start. We got up at 6:00 a.m. (10:00 p.m. Saturday for most of our readers) to get ready and go to the 8:00 a.m. service at Bryanston Bible Church, an Acts 29 church in Sandton (around 35 minutes from our current hotel location). It was good to be a part of their church, but I definitely miss Redeemer Fellowship. This was our second Sunday away from our church family. After church, we headed out for a quick breakfast. During our trip to the mall (EVERYTHING is in a mall here), we found gluten-free cupcakes. We had wanted to get T’s favorite caregiver a gluten-free treat for the birthday party earlier in the week, but that is like searching for a needle in a haystack here. So when we found one, we were very excited, as was she!

After breakfast, we headed to visit T. Our GPS took us a crazy new route (it’s seeming rare for us to take the same route more than once). This one took us through the hills (that are basically mountains) and past a huge Sunday market (tons of people milling about and walking alongside the road). It was a beautiful, terrifying, and long way to T’s home.

We surprised T by getting there before lunch. We thought that we’d show up after lunch due to church (which we told him and prompted his request for us to be there in the morning), but thankfully the church had an early service (hence getting up at 6:00 a.m.). We pulled out our Legos and started playing. T is a really imaginative and creative child. He comes up with these stories that he will tell us as he’s playing and working out the different scenarios. After Legos, we watched a couple of shows with the other older children, played Snakes & Ladders, and read a book. 

I brought a blank hardcover book and some new stickers for him, so he began creating an underwater scene with the fish and dinosaur stickers he had. It was hilarious. Not only were the dinos eating the fish, they were eating each other, and some random girl who was under the water. In true boy fashion, poop was drawn, along with smell lines. *sigh* This kid. 

Photo of T's art, Roy, and Brian courtesy of T.

At the mall this morning, we bought some Play-doh, so that was a good time, too. He insisted on squishing every Play-doh form that was made, so I started punching and chopping mine with my hands. I got a good sized smile out of him along with several giggles. These moments feel so light. 

Attachment is hard work. It’s not just coloring and playing, it’s hoping your new child wants to hold your hand or will make eye contact. It’s building Legos and looking for a reason to rub their back and being enthusiastic to praise their creations. Staying in the same room (as we’ve been doing at the care home [aside from watching shows]) makes for long days of sitting on the floor because you want to be as close to him as possible. 

Today was the first day T allowed a couple of his brothers (other boys in the home) to play with us and with his new toys. It was only 15 minutes, but it was good. Brian and I want to let T know we like his friends without showing preference to them. 

At the end of our day, we had planned (since yesterday) to take him to KFC (his second favorite food). Five minutes before leaving, he changed his mind and wanted pizza. So we plugged in the info for a pizza place he likes. It ended up being an adventure. We got to the place and didn’t feel it was in a safe location (a feeling you need to respect here), so we found the next nearest Roman’s (pizza place). It was 25 minutes away. About 10 minutes into the drive, I remembered we needed to be back at the home by 6:30. That was only 45 minutes from that time. Cue the panic! We drove and were doing the math thinking we may be eating pizza in the car on the way back to the care home. 

At a stop light (robot), we saw a McDonald’s (McD’s). I asked T if he liked McD’s (because I don’t know). He said he did. As soon as we passed the intersection containing the McD’s, T decided he wanted to eat there and not Roman’s. After a U-turn and 5 minute drive back, we ended up at McD’s. After a rushed meal and drive back, we left T at the home with his aunties (caregivers). 

McDonald's date with T.

I am hoping we get to start doing sleepovers soon. I think it would benefit both T and ourselves to spend the entire day with him and not have to leave him at the end of it.

South Africa: Day 4, Pretoria

We really enjoyed today. It started with us checking out a guest house (US equivalent to a bed and breakfast) for us to stay at for week 2. We got out of the car and an adorable bulldog greeted us and wanted to be pet. I was sold before looking at the suite. It worked out well for what we need—two beds, a pool, and a yard for T to run around in. We hope that starting Thursday or Friday of this coming week, T will start doing overnight visits with us.

After checking out the room, we got to the care home and played with Legos and dinosaurs (together, of course). At one point, one of the Lego people started riding around on a broom. I off-handedly said he was like Harry Potter. T’s face lit up and he stopped moving the Lego around. I asked him if he knew what I was talking about and he said yes. We told him his room was decorated like Harry Potter and he was very interested. (We’ve shown him his room before, but not explained it yet.) So that was a pretty great moment. 

Lego construction men riding helpful dinosaurs—naturally.

T & Daddy Brian (as he's called at the moment) & Roy

We got to go out to the mall with T for lunch. When we made the plans yesterday, T wanted pizza. He was very adamant on this point, as it is his favorite. We got to the restaurant and all of a sudden, it’s a cheeseburger and pizza. We compromised and he ordered just a cheeseburger and he could have some of our pizza if he was still hungry. Along with the cheeseburger, he also ordered a cream soda. That cheeseburger disappeared very quickly. Brian and I are sure he inhaled it—I think he’s going to be growing soon. He enjoyed watching the chefs take the pizzas out of the pizza oven. We played with Roy (I got my first full toothed grin from that). After a good meal together, we walked to a candy shop and T picked this test tube looking thing that sprays sour strawberry liquid. I tried it, squirting two times into my mouth and almost lost my lunch. T was squirting it up to ten times under his tongue and not even making a face. This kid.

Photos courtesy of T. He enjoyed taking photos at lunch.

When we were done at a delicious coffee shop with many unique single-origin African coffees (Brian’s words, not mine), we walked to the book shop. We’re really trying to build a love for reading books. We let T pick out a book, but had a difficult time finding one in English (Afrikaans is very prevalent in this area). He picked out this weird book about a girl giraffe with no neck who wears sparkly high heel books. Weird. It ended up being an ok book, thankfully. Along with that, we picked up a new illustrated Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone for him. We are going to start reading him chapter books while we’re here.

After the book store, we headed back. Our boy was tired, so there was very little talking on the way back. Occasionally we would hear him squirt that gross sour stuff and it got comical when he would squirt 7 times or 10 times. Once again, this kid. 

Back at the house, we played Legos again, read his new book and a couple of others, including my favorite from when I was his age—The Day Jimmy’s Boa Ate The Wash (pictured). We colored in his dinosaur coloring book and put a transportation puzzle together. When we finished and cleaned up, we told him we would come tomorrow after lunch (we're hoping to attend services at an Acts 29 church just south of here) and stay through dinner. He told us he wanted us to come in the morning. (I think he likes us!) Because of that request, we are now going to go to the 8:00 a.m. service at church and surprise him by coming in the morning.

Story time together. I love this picture.

I told Brian at dinner that this is the first day where leaving the care home was hard for me. The first and second day left me emotionally and physically tired and I needed a break. Today was hard to leave him at the home. Sitting at dinner felt a little empty because he wasn’t there inhaling food and giving shy smiles. I miss him. We can’t wait to go back tomorrow.

South Africa: Day 3, Pretoria

This morning began with a flurry of excitement. We woke up and headed to a mall (not the one from last night). The mall is huge! Think Mall of America huge, but just a little smaller, and no wasted space with "attractions." We got there just 5 minutes before they opened and scoped out Toys ‘R Us to see what their Lego offerings were (we had a gift to buy after all). Seeing what they had, we headed to Toy Kingdom which boasts the largest selection of Legos in South Africa. Along the way, we found balloons, party bags (or " loot bags"), candles, plates, and napkins with lions on them (just like Roy). At Toy Kingdom, we grabbed two Lego Jr. truck sets and some Hot Wheels cars and helicopters. We also found little bubbles for the loot bags and these crazy awesome water ballon things (100 finished and ready to go in a minute without having to tie anything—magic!). After completing our party list, we grabbed a quick breakfast and headed to visit with T.

Brian driving around in the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road.

When we arrived at the home, we were greeted by a huge hug from T (my heart melted). We brought all of the stuff for the party bags and had T help us stuff them. He did a great job and was very thoughtful in the process. He kept insisting that these bubbles were for his cousins (in America), these chips were for us, and so on. We told him we could buy bubbles for cousins when we got to America. T chose Avenger bubbles for both himself and Roy (it was his birthday today after all). After packing the bags, we played with his cars and Magformers. After a short stint with those toys, we busted out a dinosaur coloring and activity book and read some of the new books we had brought with us. T sat on Brian’s lap while I read the books.

While we were eating lunch, one of the orphanage volunteers and her daughters (who have been helping there for 6 years), told us about the Tooth Fairy at the home. Apparently this volunteer “extracts” the loose teeth, then the Tooth Fairy comes and leaves 5 Rand. The child is then allowed to go to a corner shop down the street with one of the Aunties and get a sweet. (We’ve seen so many instances of the workers trying to make life special for these kids, and working in special one-on-one interactions where possible.)

After lunch, T got to open his gift from us. It was a fun moment to watch. T and Brian took the cars/helicopters and Legos out and got to building. I headed outside to set up for the party. While playing, Brian observed that T was very intent on putting pieces together and loved working with the trucks and using the Lego broom to sweep up the little Legos. 

The party in its humble glory.

When we were ready for the party, we had T come out. We put a ‘7’ candle in his cupcake and attempted to light it (it was very windy). After Brian basically burned his hands off, we got it lit for a grand total of one second. After several more attempts, T got to blow out his candle and had a round of “Happy Birthday” sung. We passed out the green cupcakes with an orange blob in the middle and let the chaos and sugar high begin. There was cupcake everywhere. Ants were quickly on the scene for cleanup. Roy now has a little green on his snout where T shared some of his cupcake (adorable) and an orange smell from the juice he drank (sticky). 

A boy and his Roy.

After cupcakes and juice, we set the kids loose to have a water balloon fight. I thought it was going to be chaos, but it was fairly tame, all things considered. Most of the kids threw the balloons at the brick wall. Others pinched holes in theirs and squirted others. It was a good time. When all of the balloons were finished, T handed out the party bags and they all downed some more sugar. Surprisingly to Brian and I, the potato chips were a HUGE hit (we thought it a weird request from T). Most kids went straight to the chips and then the sugar. After the party was over, T, Brian, and I went back in to clean up. We said goodbye to our boy with a big hug and plans to go out on our first family outing tomorrow - getting one of T’s favorite foods, pizza for lunch (apparently KFC is a close second).

Today we saw a few instances of our son’s kindness. He has a tender heart that is really turned towards others. One example was when a girl’s balloon bounced off the wall and flew back into the crowd of kids, T was the first to it. Instead of throwing it himself, he handed it back to the distraught girl. We were told by one of the volunteers, who has known T for 6 years, that he used money he had saved up to buy a chocolate bar. He then proceeded to break it up into pieces and shared with many of the kids and workers. 

I honestly cannot believe we’ve only known this child two days. Obviously we still have much to learn about each other, but it feels so natural. Grace upon grace.

South Africa: Day 2, Pretoria

Today was a day we will always remember in our family—we met T for the first time! There are very few moments in your life that compare to meeting for the first time a child who will be a part of your family forever. After the initial awkwardness wore off (let’s face it—it’s awkward), we really enjoyed our time together. It felt surreal to be putting a puzzle together, coloring in the coloring books, and building Hot Wheels garages with him. He’s not just a file we’ve read or photos we’ve looked at, he’s a stinking cute, shy, thoughtful and contemplative kid with a sweet smile and a love for his new lion, "Roy."

Building garages for his cars.

While we were breaking the ice, we talked about his birthday party we’re going to celebrate tomorrow (we missed his actual birthday by a few days). He announced it was Roy’s birthday tomorrow and he needed a party for him, too. We decided we could celebrate Roy’s birthday with his birthday. He (and Roy?) wanted green cupcakes, balloons, potato chips, lollipops, party bags, juice boxes, and chocolate (later vetoed by his caregiver because it would melt in the 100°+ heat—wise woman). Along with party planning, he showed us his room and bed, introduced us to his brothers and sisters (other kids in the orphanage), and kept brushing down Roy’s unruly mane (which was the cutest thing ever).

Roy shortly after getting a mohawk, courtesy of T.

While spending time with T, and as he opened up more, we felt such a peace about this boy joining our family. His personality fits well with ours. He’s analytical and likes creating things, but still feels things deeply. That’s basically an amalgamation of Brian and I’s personality to a T (I can’t help myself when it comes to puns…even bad ones…please forgive me). We know everyone is on their best behavior right now, but from what we’ve been told of him and his personality, we know the Lord has gone before us, even in this.

After spending 4.5 hours with T, we left to get a quick nap in before we headed to the mall. We had a big list of things to buy for this celebration. Unfortunately for us, we had 1.5 hours to get everything by the time we got to the mall. Another unfortunate thing? The mall had lost power at some point during the day, and about 90% of the stores were closed. The other 10% must have paid extra for generators. We got the candy, cupcakes, juice boxes, and potato chips. The other things on our list—party bags, balloons, a gift for T, and candles for his (and Roy’s) cupcake—we are hoping to find tomorrow before meeting with him again. (We found another mall in the area to try tomorrow morning before meeting up with T.) The hour and a half goes by really quickly when you don’t have a Target where you can buy everything you need. We were going into shops (the ones that were open) hoping to find something off of our list. Time flew and the shops closed.

It was fun venturing out into Pretoria. The mall is different than American shopping centers in that there are grocery stores in the mall and within department stores. It’s also crazy how cheap things are. After we had exhausted everything that mall had to offer, we decided to grab dinner. We had a nice, sit-down meal while seated by the misting machines on the patio (it got up to 102 today!). The total for this delicious meal, including tip? $13! Score one for South Africa and one for our bank account.

I didn't get many photos while we were out and about due to helping Brian navigate, but this is one of THE biggest buildings I've ever seen. This photo does not do it justice. It's basically a skyscraper on its side.

By the time we were done with our frantic shopping and dinner, it had gotten pretty dark (a storm was rolling in, making it even darker). We had been warned not to stay out when it was dark for safety concerns. While we didn’t run into any issues with people on our ride back, we did run into an issue with technology. There are many traffic lights (called "robots" here) that are just out of service, making them four-way stops as in the US (though without the blinking red lights. It’s hard to know when its a four way stop because the robots are super hard to see, even when the lights are working. Those dead, small robots become a safety issue when you cannot see them coming in up the dark. Needless to say, our drive home was quite an adventure. We decided that we won’t make it a hard and fast rule, but we’re going to strive to be back to our hotel every night before dark to avoid the dangerous dead robots.

All in all, a pretty awesome day! We’re now back in our hotel room watching a SPORT (rugby). We’re growing in so many ways. We are excited to go visit T again. We’re excited to celebrate his 7th birthday.

South Africa: Day 1, Pretoria

Today we landed in T’s birth country of South Africa at 7:00 a.m. after a long (10.5 hours) and very bumpy flight from London. The flight was a little emotional because I hate long flights. Couple that with the turbulence we experienced and I was in tears at one point. Brian did not sleep at all and I slept maybe 30-60 minutes. But we made it safely! 

When we landed, I started crying because it hit me so hard we were here to meet T and become a family of three. Brian asked if I was ok and all I could reply was, “I’m so happy.” It’s been such a journey of processing the fact that after two years of paperwork and waiting, we are meeting the boy who will be stuck with us as parents forever.

We were greeted with a blinding sun (blinding after 8 mostly rainy days in London) and temperatures that reached 99 degrees. Good-bye, winter! After making it through the non-airconditioned waiting area for the border patrol, through customs, collected all three duffle bags, got our mobile phone SIM cards, and checked out our rental car, we were ready to head to our hotel, 30 minutes north in Pretoria.

Navigating this journey safely was difficult as we were so exhausted. Thankfully, drivers weren't nearly as crazy as they are in London. After making it in one piece and checking in to the hotel, we headed up to our suite (thank you, Hotwire). It is hard to describe the room, but I can tell for this area, it is a nice place. Being greeted by a super hot room (AC had been turned off) and a tub that doesn’t drain properly was a little bit of a reminder that we’re not in London anymore. Thankfully, they have a delicious restaurant with an all-you-can-eat buffet of South African staples.

View from our hotel room

View from our hotel room

View from our hotel room

After assessing our living quarters for the next week, we got a call from one of our social workers here (Rose). She said that T’s primary caregiver and social worker wanted to meet with us before we meet him tomorrow morning. We were thrilled to have them come to our hotel to meet, so we accepted. Then we slept. Hard. Then we woke up still tired.

At 4:00, we met with the caregiver and social worker. We talked with them for three hours. Most of it was about T (more info about his likes, dislikes, personality, history, etc). We also talked about South Africa and fun things to do in the area. I feel like the three hours we spent with them, readied my heart to meet T once and for all. Brian and I have both been so nervous about meeting him—what if he doesn’t like us? We don’t know him but for the limited things we have read on paper. Talking with these women who work day in and day out with T and clearly love him brought us such a peace. 

We’re now back in our room and getting ready for bed. All in all, a good day. Tomorrow, Lord-willing, will be better. We will meet our son!

Keeping Up with the Malcolms

With 26-27 days left before we meet T, I wanted to give a heads up that I'm going to aim to post frequently while we are over in South Africa. This may not be possible if we are somewhere without power or internet access (these times will be few), but I'd like to keep everyone updated about our adventures. If you are interested in receiving notifications whenever I post, please subscribe to this blog (in the right column for PC users and at the bottom of the page for mobile users). I'm not going to be posting on Facebook every time I write because I don't want to clutter your feeds.

If you think about it, we could really use your prayers. We're both exhausted (schedules are bonkers) and we are praying we don't get sick. With all of the sickness around us, it will be a miracle to avoid catching something. We have a lot to do and little time to do it in.

Thanks for caring for, praying about, and encouraging our family. You are a huge part of why we have made it this far!