Posts filed under attachment / bonding

What We've Been Up To

Roger and Merry Ann (Grandpa and Grandma Malcolm) + the Malcolms at Tasha’s

We’ve been running around this corner of the world quite a bit the last few weeks. Brian’s parents, Roger and Merry Ann, came to visit us just after my mom departed for home. We have loved getting to introduce Phindi to everyone and showing them around (for the second time)!

We really enjoyed having Roger and Merry Ann visit because they had come visit last time we were here six years ago. We didn't have to hit the same spots, so we were free to visit some new ones and throw in a few days at home as well.

One of the really powerful things we did do was visit Robben Island. We tried to go last time we were here, but were unable to make it happen. This time around, we made it work. Not only was it compelling to ride around on the island and hear about the history, but we got to go on a walking tour led by a former political prisoner who had actually been imprisoned on Robben Island!

It was easily my favorite thing we have done here. Nothing can beat a first hand account of what it was like to live on the island and to be imprisoned for fighting for the freedom of your people. It was incredibly moving.

Dinner without power. Thanks, Load shedding.

Roger and Merry Ann also got to enjoy load shedding a couple of times while they were here. The first time meant we had to quickly cook a roast in the oven before six (when the power outage kicked in). The second time was when the Robben Island excursion took much longer than planned and we got locked out of the house because we didn’t have the right key and the garage wouldn’t open. Once again, load shedding is my nemesis.

My kids, putting up with a photo. (Haha!)

We went to a place called the Giraffe House that has a ton of animals, including—you guessed it—giraffes. The highlight of that trip was when the workers changed the huge branches while we were there and all six of the giraffes came right over to graze on the new leaves. It was so neat to see them all and to be so close to them. They’re one of my favorite animals, so I’m always glad to get to see them.

We took a day to drive down the coast of the Cape and visit Cape Point and the Cape of Good Hope. They have a funicular you can ride up and down the mountain to the top of Cape Point, which is a fun little ride with a great view. We were especially lucky and saw many animals this trip: zebras, baboons (with a baby!), bok (antelope), ostriches, and seals.

While the Malcolms were here, it was Brian’s 41st birthday. Hoping to make it feel a little more like home, I asked Merry Ann to pack a box of angel food cake mix, a container of vanilla icing, and her angel food cake pan. She was kind enough to oblige my odd requests and she and I worked together to whisk the angel food cake mix into existence. Whisking was a much more muscle-inducing experience than the usual hand-held mixer experience I have. Thankfully, it came out perfectly and we all enjoyed the cake, especially the birthday guy!

SWAG from Kids Day and from Tisetso’s savings account!

Tisetso and Brian went into Cape Town on a mission to get new shoes. They hit up somewhere around 5 or 6 shoe stores and found Tisetso a sweet new track suit. He had a great time with his dad.

One last little bit of news before I wrap up this post is that Brian got news that Phindi’s passport had arrived at the Department of Home Affairs (DHA). He waited until his parents had departed for home, then headed into the city on Friday and stood in line for 5.5 hours only to be the first person in line to be turned away at the end of the day and was told to ‘come back on Monday.’ He got up at 4:30 on the following Monday and stood in line from 5:30 onwards. At 12:30, he had her passport in hand! This is huge news! This is the step we were told could take 6-8 weeks and only took 3. We are so thankful.

Brian stopped at Truth Coffee before heading home for a well-deserved nap.

Posted on June 12, 2022 by Heidi and filed under adoption, attachment / bonding, Family, In-Country Time, little things, South Africa and tagged visitors Cape Town Cape Point parents birthday Kids Day passport DHA.

Mother's Day

A typical teenager — doesn’t want a photo with mom.

Mother’s Day is a hard day for many. For several years, Mother’s Day was difficult because I knew we were waiting for a child who was more than likely already in the world, but still unknown to us. But to be totally honest, Mother’s Day has always been a difficult day for me since becoming a mother myself.

I am blessed beyond understanding to be the mother to two amazing kids. But I know that the road they travelled to get to our family was a difficult one. I feel like I’m walking a line here, so stick with me. I want to be honest with you—our friends and family—and I want to preserve the trust and story of our children.

When you enter a new family and—for whatever reason—birth parents have not met your needs, you are going to have trauma responses. So imagine with me, our son and daughter having a day centered around their mom (me), but it’s a lot to handle. A whole day when you are celebrating what moms are supposed to be and do for their families. That’s why I try my best to hold Mother’s Day with open hands.

I am not their first mother. I am so thankful that their first mothers chose life, because I have two beautiful children because of their choices. Not a day goes by where I am not thankful for their lives and their presence in my life, even on the hard days.

So yes, Mother’s Day is wonderful and fun, but in our family, it holds a heaviness that sometimes doesn’t have a name attached to it, but we can feel its presence. But every Mother’s Day, I hold in my heart space to be grateful for the choice of life their first mothers gave to them.

Posted on May 10, 2022 by Heidi and filed under adoption, attachment / bonding, In-Country Time, Mother's Day, South Africa and tagged Somerset West Mothers Day.

Some Lions and a Giraffe Named Zöe

Our last few days have been full, if Phindi’s yawns and sleeping in are anything to go by! Tisetso has helped at the Haven (where he grew up), we went to the outlet mall, we went to the Lion & Safari Park, and the Mall of Africa. We also had a day where we did absolutely nothing but school and eating out, but that was the day before everything crazy started. It’s been a whirlwind! We wanted to get these things done before Friday because Friday was a school holiday for Good Friday, and Monday is a national holiday - Family Day! (Also, Phindi’s birthday, how special!)

Tisetso had a great time at the Haven, again. He loves helping there and being with the kids. It gives him time to connect with his roots and with kids who were in a situation just like he was. When he was done hanging out there, we headed to the outlet mall so he could check out the Nike outlet. We stopped at a store called Makro for lunch and ate at Wimpy (a burger place). While sitting there, we noticed the Walmart logo in a few places. Brian did some digging and found that Walmart had bought a controlling share in Makro and a few other associated brands.

Tisetso and his fancy hot chocolate while out with Brian at a coffee shop.

After we had finished lunch, we were walking to the exit and I noticed a few simple long-sleeve shirts that I wanted to buy. We grabbed a roll of mints and some lozenges to complete our order. We got to the check out only to be told that you needed a Makro membership card (a la Sam’s Club) to shop. Oops! After handing over our big / not so big purchase, we left empty handed. The Nike store was a bust, too.

Aslan greeted us at the entrance. Much more elaborate than the last time we went!

The next day, we got up bright and early to head to the Lion and Safari park. We had gone here before, but we figured it would still but a fun excursion for our family. It was a beautiful drive to the park and we loved seeing the countryside outside of Johannesburg. The safari ride was fun! We got to see a bunch of lions, some zebra (rhymes with “Deborah” here), giraffes, and sable antelopes—which we were told were a rare treat! One of the giraffes we saw was named Zöe and was hand-raised, so it often comes up to the safari trucks and says hi! (See above.)

Me and a giraffe (one of my favorite animals!)

After, we went to lunch at the restaurant on campus and were really disappointed. The food came out one person at a time, and about 40 minutes after we placed our order, the chef came out and told Brian and I that the chicken (what we had ordered) wasn’t cooked yet. We had to order something else. It was very frustrating, right until a giraffe just walked right on by. Way to redeem the whole thing, giraffe!

The Mall of Africa, the largest mall on the continent!

With the giraffe pet, we made our way to the Mall of Africa. Yes, another mall! We had to check it out because they were building it the last time we were here. It felt like the mall that’s closest to us (Sandton City), just moderately bigger and maybe a little nicer. Not worth another trip, to be sure. I was glad for all of the jobs it generates. That has to be a huge number!

Today was a pretty low-key day. We went and saw the new movie The Bad Guys. It was really fun and the animation was wall done. I enjoyed it and recommend the movie to anyone looking for a feel-good movie. Get this—we bought four tickets, four popcorns, four drinks, and three candies all for about $40! Major score on our part! The theater we were in was the ‘kids theater,’ complete with bean bag chairs (with cup holders) and a huge slide into a foam pit!

Us during load shedding when our power was out.

We’ve had a crazy few days, as I said, and then next few will be just as crazy. Tomorrow is Easter, Monday is Phindi’s 10th birthday, and Tuesday sees us flying to Cape Town and moving to a new flat for a month. Please keep us in your prayers. We have seen some evidences of the ‘honeymoon phase’ coming to an end, but then things snap back. We know it won’t last forever and that real work begins when we’re all open and ready. Pray when that time comes, we’re loving and ready to build lasting attachment bonds.

The kids next to a Mandela statue at Carnivore—an all-you-can-eat game meat restaurant.

A quick note: Carnivore was a delicious place filled with meats from all over South Africa! I’m adding the menu so you can see what sorts of things we tried. It’s a must for anyone who visits this area. We visited last time we came.