Our home study visit (the last one) got postponed a week. Our social worker's son has the stomach flu. While this is a perfectly reasonable reason, it really frustrated me. I wasn't frustrated with our social worker or her son, but after thinking through it, I was frustrated because I was not in control. We have been planning on this visit for six weeks. I had been cleaning our house furiously all day long. It was a rough combo.
As someone who is prideful, I think I know the best plan for my life. I want to know what is coming up next, when, and what to anticipate. This adoption process has made me face my sinfulness over and over again. Never before has the theme "Trust the Lord" become so prevalent in my life. Never before has that mantra pushed me far beyond my borders of comfort. It is often a war zone in my mind when I start worrying about the things I cannot control.
"How long is this process going to take?! Probably forever..." Trust the Lord.
"Are we going to adopt one or two? What are their stories?" Trust the Lord.
"Where are my kids right now? Are they being cared for and loved? Do they have enough to eat?" Trust the Lord.
"What is life going to be like when they come home? I've never been a mom and now I'm jumping in and mothering kids who have had difficult lives. Am I going to be any good?" Trust the Lord.
I'm sure we all can relate to this, even if you are not adopting. What is it in your life that you hold close to your chest? What is it that you say you trust the Lord about, but when He tries to change anything, you are faced with the reality that you want your own way? It is hard giving things completely to the Lord, but when I finally do, it is something I never regret.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 (ESV)
- We were given a list of things to do between now and next week's visit. Pray we will complete everything as quickly as possible.
- Pray that, through this process, we would learn to trust the Lord and not lean on our own understanding.