South Africa: Day 10, Centurion

Today began early. Too early for my liking. I woke up and was convinced T would be waking up any minute. I was awake for a while before I checked the time - 2:04. T was not getting up any time soon. Around 3:00, Brian and I were up talking about life and the stress therein. I fell back asleep somewhere between 3:30 and 4:00. At 4:06, Brian woke me up to tell me T was running around, and indeed he was. We were told he typically wakes up around 6:00. It was too early. I ushered him back to bed and offered to rub his back. For the next hour and a half, I rubbed his back. Every time I thought he was asleep, I’d try to get back to sleep next to him and he’d roll over and say, “Rub more.” (He rolls his Rs and, lucky for him, it’s adorable.)

When our alarm went off at 6:15, our day began in earnest. We played with toys, read books, and did school (writing 1s, 2,s and the words for both). Brian was able to get some work done today as we didn’t have to shuttle all over the place. It was good, too, because we are finally able to get an idea of what sizes T wears. We were told 7 because he’s 7, which makes no sense. T is a small dude and size 7 clothes would fall off. Thankfully, we found out T’s Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt fits! We’re going to have to bribe him to wear it (he took it off right away), but it fits!

We grabbed a quick bite of pizza for lunch, then headed back to the guest house for swimming. We bought a huge inflatable floating crocodile (T’s choice) and some floats for the pool. After 10 minutes of blowing the darn thing up, we were ready to go! T had a lot of fun. He hopped on and I would fling him around the pool. It quickly became apparent that T does not like to fall fully into the water. After a few tumbles into the cold (and I mean cold) water, T was done. One of the owners of this place told him he could store the crocodile in the pool, so it’s floating around as we speak. I count this up as a blessing because I wasn’t sure where we could store a 4’6” long, wet inflatable crocodile in our current residence.

After the pool, we showered and headed back to the care home. T wanted to see his friends. I think this kid is a genius—10 minutes after we showed up, they rolled out the snack train. With snacks inhaled, the kids had a new vigor for playing. While T played with his friends and showed off his new wallet and watch, I got to talk with two gals from Frankfurt, Germany who are volunteering for two months at the home. It was great to talk with them and have the automatic commonality of loving the same city (I lived there for three years from 5-8 years old). We commiserated over the extremely relaxed culture and mourned for schedules and clear guidelines.

Avocado tree in the backyard of the children's home.

After some good friend time, we headed to a mall to grab some healthy snacks and dinner. At dinner, I could tell T was torn over his visit to the home. In the last 24 hours, he had spent less time with his friends than he had ever spent. I asked him if he liked seeing his friends and he shook his head no and nodded yes (we’re working on talking about our emotions). I told him it was ok to feel two things. He didn’t say anything.

Coloring at dinner. He's wearing a new t-shirt with scuba skull and crossbones. 

After dinner, and with healthy snacks in tow, we headed back to the guest house. After changing into pjs, we finished the second half of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. We stopped in the middle to do a quick call with Uncle Chance as it is his birthday. He got to talk with T (I say he talked, T grinned from ear to ear) and T got to meet his cousins Louis and Edward (Nasko was at school).

T is now tucked into bed and sleeping (I assume). Please pray for him—I can tell this whole thing is really starting to hit him as he’s now shifted from us coming to him and then leaving at the end of the day to him being with us 24 hours a day. Pray we will know how to comfort him and love on him as he’s working through these big emotions and life changes.

South Africa: Day 8, Pretoria

We started today off by talking with T’s favorite caregiver and social worker and discussing a list of questions we had generated. It's been invaluable to be able to ask them anything that pops up. From the care home, we headed to the National Zoo (which is also in Pretoria). Getting there was almost more of an adventure than the zoo itself. Brian had to navigate through this crazy part of town with TONS of people milling about and cars and vans doing whatever they wanted. It should have taken us 10 minutes to get through that area, but it took almost 30. There were these commuter busses that will shoot across the road without warning. Needless to say, our lives were in peril getting to the zoo.

Naturally, Roy was along for the ride.

Because school started today, we had no issues finding parking and getting into the zoo. On a recommendation, we hired a golf cart to ride around the part. For only $7.50, we were able to zip around the entire zoo and check out all of the animals in record time. Brian and I couldn’t get over how close the animals were. We could have pet a rhino or elephant, if we had wanted too (and apparently it's somewhat acceptable according to some locals). I really did want to, but I also have to now set a good example. Stupid adulthood/parenthood. There was a tiger who was pacing back and forth the whole time. It terrified me. I thought for sure that thing was about to leap over the pit and eat us all. 

T and an elephant.

It was fun to see different animals that don't find a place in American zoos. There were these really brightly colored red birds, a cool horse/antelope thing, and more. The lions decided not to show themselves, even after visiting their habitats three times! Along with that, my Scandinavian skin rebelled and I burned. I now have raccoon eyes and an awesome burn on my arms showing off where my 3/4 length sleeves were. 

We finished at the zoo and went to a mall to walk around. Brian was able to find a shop called Old Khaki (basically American Eagle) and bought some sturdier flip flops. While there T got an ice cream treat (really my snack choice, but became his about half way through). We headed back to the care home having walked a good bit.

Saying goodbye to T was a little easier today because we knew tomorrow would be our first sleepover.

T and the rhinos with downtown Pretoria in the background.

South Africa: Day 7, Pretoria

When we got up today, we were facing a logistical problem—we were running out of clean clothes. We needed to do laundry, but didn’t want to be away from T all morning. We decided that we would see if the place we picked out would wash, dry, and fold our laundry for a reasonable price. Before we went, we decided on an amount we were willing to spend (no more than $35). Armed with that information, we headed to the laundromat. When we arrived, we asked how much it would be to take care of the giant bag of clothes. The answer? 212 Rand, which comes out to about $12.63. That was an easy decision!

On our way to the home, we got a call and text from the social worker that works full time in the home. She said T had asked for us three times (by 9:20) and she wanted to know when we were coming. Thankfully, we were 3 minutes away. Praise God he was asking for us and wanting us to come visit him. He hasn’t turned us away, yet, but it’s good to know he at least wants us to show up.

Today was a really good day with T. It was us shifting from being with T the whole day alone at the home to seeing him interact a lot with his friends for most of the day. When we got there, there were several women waiting to interview for open positions at the home, so the room we typically spend all of our time in was being used as a waiting room. We were told to go out to the classroom and visit with T there and outside today. We were excited because his file mentioned how much he loves to play outside, but he has not played outside once with us there (perhaps as a way to really focus on spending time with us specifically.

We pushed the door open to the classroom (just one room that’s about the size of an average living room) and discovered a fun chaos. Kids were dressed up, playing pretend, coloring, and assembling puzzles. One of the caregivers put out some tables and they began preparing for school, which starts tomorrow. She asked T to write his name across his coloring page, he refused, she asked again, and he lost it and began to cry. I went over and rubbed his back and asked if he wanted to come sit by us (he was across the table from where we were sitting). He said yes and he moved. I don’t know exactly what caused that response, but we will be talking with his favorite caregiver tomorrow and asking about that, along with a giant list we have.

When T got done coloring and drawing on this picture, we saved it. He's such a creative kid.

After coloring was snack time. It is never so quiet at the home as when they are feeding the kids. They get their food and silence descends. Their main goal is to finish and get extra if there are any. These kids are well fed (thank you, God), so it’s not a survival of the fittest situation. They are just intent eaters.

This wasn't the snack today, but a fruit (??) called litchi T shared with us a couple of days ago. Neither of us had had it before, so T enjoyed being the one to show us how to eat it. Note: R49.99=about $2.50

With snacks and juice consumed, we headed back to the classroom for even more chaos and fun. We observed today that T enjoys playing with his friends, but he also enjoys playing by himself amidst these friends. He played one-man cricket for a little bit before Brian stepped in to pitch. For the life of me I cannot understand why he was instructed to stay inside while partaking of this activity, but it was apparently preferred. I was waiting the whole time for someone to get beat upside the head with T’s cricket bat. Thankfully, it never happened.

Lunch was a good time with fish and chips being served. It was the first time we had eaten with all of the other kids. It was silent until the local comedian (a boisterous kid with a super fun nickname and only one volume—"11") thanked the cook for cooking his lunch today. He’s clearly the best eater in the home and Auntie Florence (the amazing cook who knows the value of a good eater) lost it with laughter. All of the kids lost it, too. To hear all of them laughing together was so sweet.

After lunch, our normal room for playing in had been vacated. T and I played with Legos and safari animals while Brian sat at the table getting a little work done. It was nice for us to be back together with just the three of us. After a while, we packed up and headed to the mall. 

We let T guide us around the mall as he desired. We ended up in many stores and admired many watches and neck ties (watches are a reoccurring theme to our mall walks, but the neck ties were a new one). At one store, he really liked a dapper straw summer hat. I had wanted to buy him one before, but I didn’t know if he would wear it. We promptly found a kids store and let him try on the four kinds of hats they had. Watching him try on hats was heart-meltingly adorable. He would put the hat on, turn his head, and consider each hat before he made his decision. I cannot wait to post a picture when the time comes. He is such a handsome little dude!

Brian, T, his purchase (hat), and Roy. Also a commemorative coin given to him by a shopkeeper.

After strolling around and getting lost (because every mall here is huge and just keeps going in weird directions), we headed to dinner (also at the mall). We let T choose where to eat and he chose a fairly posh restaurant with an interesting menu. Thankfully they had cheeseburgers (the only thing this kid eats when given a choice, apparently), so we settled into our cool chairs. T loves watching people walk by. He gets very quiet because he’s taking it all in. After eating, he opened up and started joking around with us and talking about our plans for tomorrow (visiting the zoo if the weather holds up). 

How Roy spent his dinner with us.

We are thankful for today and hopeful that tomorrow is even better. It will be our first big outing together as we will arrive at the care home early and take him out shortly after that to the zoo.

South Africa: Day 6, Pretoria

Today was hard. Today was us hitting the wall. Today was filled with ups and downs. There were a lot of factors that were different than the last five days we had visited (today was the day that most of South Africa goes back to work after Summer holiday, today was back to school, being Monday, the additional staff that works M-F were in the office, and there were a ton of visiting college students at the care home this morning, making everything loud and busy). T barely talked the whole morning. It is hard to press on when you feel like you're being ignored. 

When we went to lunch, he really opened up! He was laughing and smiling while we were playing in a children's play place. At one point, he even cracked a joke. I have joked with him at other meals asking him, “Where did your burger/chips (fries)/fill in the blank go?” because he seriously inhales his food. Today, he looks at me with a serious face and asks, “Where did my burger go?” It took me a second. When I looked for his burger (duh) and then back at his face, he had a huge grin. That kid. He’s going to fit in just fine.

My "mega" Coke Light (Diet Coke) and T's cream soda . 

The second we said we had to go back to the home, he clammed up and gave us the cold shoulder. He also tested us a lot. Anything we said "no" or "not today" to was received with asking many times more or the silent treatment. He usually answers with a nod or shake of his head if he doesn't want to use words, but he wouldn't even do that in the car on the way back from the mall. 

When we were back at the home, I asked him if he was mad at us for something. He shook his head "no." I told him it was ok if he was, and that we could talk about it if he wanted to. He nodded in understanding, then went back to playing. It lightened up after that and we ended on a good note (we got a hug when we left), but today was hard. It's hard playing with him when we're being ignored, but we kept pushing through and asking him questions, even if he would only respond with nods.

Our difficult day was topped off with a missed turn on our way back to the hotel after dinner. We discovered on the ensuing journey that our headlights point down and we can only see about 10 feet ahead of the car, that "dead robots" are even more dangerous when you’re going down roads with faster speed limits, and that Apple Maps and TomTom were both out to get us. Both apps sent us to the exact same wrong location. It’s terrifying driving around downtown Pretoria and being lost. Thankfully, we saw a landmark that was familiar and were able to get back to the hotel. We arrived shaken, but safe, something we do not take for granted. One of T’s caregivers was in a smash-and-grab Friday night (while stopped at a light, two men smashed in her window and started grabbing her phone and whatever else they could—scratching her arms badly in the process). You have to be on high alert while driving here, especially at night.

Some good things from today: T sat in my lap while I read him the same book twice in a row (his request). He called me "mommy" today (not just "Mommy Heidi" as he's been calling me). There were good moments mixed in with the hard and I’m glad for that. I didn't expect less than good and bad days. We are strangers getting ready to be a family.

Daddy and T and Roy, playing a game of soccer together.

On the whole, I think things are going well. I know he is going to fit perfectly into our family. I am excited for when he is more comfortable with us and for when we don't have to leave him at the home at the end of the day.

Look at those muscles. This kid could beat you up.

Some ways you can pray for our family: 

• Please keep T in your prayers. He has a lot going on in his head. You can tell he’s always thinking, always absorbing what’s happening around him. There is a lot going on and he’s seven. Pray for his heart and mind to be guarded from things that are said and done that might not necessarily be helpful to this attachment process.
• Pray for Brian as he is still working while here. It’s a lot to juggle—family, church, work, and more. We are thankful he’s able to still work while here, as that’s something some families spending 6-7 weeks in South Africa are unable to do.
• Pray for me. Being gone from home this long is hard and we still have 5-6 weeks to go! I miss my bed and our shower that drains properly. I miss driving around and not feeling I have to be on high alert while waiting at a stop light. I do not miss the winter, so praise there. Well, technically I'm missing winter, but I digress.

South Africa: Day 5, Pretoria

Today saw an early start. We got up at 6:00 a.m. (10:00 p.m. Saturday for most of our readers) to get ready and go to the 8:00 a.m. service at Bryanston Bible Church, an Acts 29 church in Sandton (around 35 minutes from our current hotel location). It was good to be a part of their church, but I definitely miss Redeemer Fellowship. This was our second Sunday away from our church family. After church, we headed out for a quick breakfast. During our trip to the mall (EVERYTHING is in a mall here), we found gluten-free cupcakes. We had wanted to get T’s favorite caregiver a gluten-free treat for the birthday party earlier in the week, but that is like searching for a needle in a haystack here. So when we found one, we were very excited, as was she!

After breakfast, we headed to visit T. Our GPS took us a crazy new route (it’s seeming rare for us to take the same route more than once). This one took us through the hills (that are basically mountains) and past a huge Sunday market (tons of people milling about and walking alongside the road). It was a beautiful, terrifying, and long way to T’s home.

We surprised T by getting there before lunch. We thought that we’d show up after lunch due to church (which we told him and prompted his request for us to be there in the morning), but thankfully the church had an early service (hence getting up at 6:00 a.m.). We pulled out our Legos and started playing. T is a really imaginative and creative child. He comes up with these stories that he will tell us as he’s playing and working out the different scenarios. After Legos, we watched a couple of shows with the other older children, played Snakes & Ladders, and read a book. 

I brought a blank hardcover book and some new stickers for him, so he began creating an underwater scene with the fish and dinosaur stickers he had. It was hilarious. Not only were the dinos eating the fish, they were eating each other, and some random girl who was under the water. In true boy fashion, poop was drawn, along with smell lines. *sigh* This kid. 

Photo of T's art, Roy, and Brian courtesy of T.

At the mall this morning, we bought some Play-doh, so that was a good time, too. He insisted on squishing every Play-doh form that was made, so I started punching and chopping mine with my hands. I got a good sized smile out of him along with several giggles. These moments feel so light. 

Attachment is hard work. It’s not just coloring and playing, it’s hoping your new child wants to hold your hand or will make eye contact. It’s building Legos and looking for a reason to rub their back and being enthusiastic to praise their creations. Staying in the same room (as we’ve been doing at the care home [aside from watching shows]) makes for long days of sitting on the floor because you want to be as close to him as possible. 

Today was the first day T allowed a couple of his brothers (other boys in the home) to play with us and with his new toys. It was only 15 minutes, but it was good. Brian and I want to let T know we like his friends without showing preference to them. 

At the end of our day, we had planned (since yesterday) to take him to KFC (his second favorite food). Five minutes before leaving, he changed his mind and wanted pizza. So we plugged in the info for a pizza place he likes. It ended up being an adventure. We got to the place and didn’t feel it was in a safe location (a feeling you need to respect here), so we found the next nearest Roman’s (pizza place). It was 25 minutes away. About 10 minutes into the drive, I remembered we needed to be back at the home by 6:30. That was only 45 minutes from that time. Cue the panic! We drove and were doing the math thinking we may be eating pizza in the car on the way back to the care home. 

At a stop light (robot), we saw a McDonald’s (McD’s). I asked T if he liked McD’s (because I don’t know). He said he did. As soon as we passed the intersection containing the McD’s, T decided he wanted to eat there and not Roman’s. After a U-turn and 5 minute drive back, we ended up at McD’s. After a rushed meal and drive back, we left T at the home with his aunties (caregivers). 

McDonald's date with T.

I am hoping we get to start doing sleepovers soon. I think it would benefit both T and ourselves to spend the entire day with him and not have to leave him at the end of it.

South Africa: Day 4, Pretoria

We really enjoyed today. It started with us checking out a guest house (US equivalent to a bed and breakfast) for us to stay at for week 2. We got out of the car and an adorable bulldog greeted us and wanted to be pet. I was sold before looking at the suite. It worked out well for what we need—two beds, a pool, and a yard for T to run around in. We hope that starting Thursday or Friday of this coming week, T will start doing overnight visits with us.

After checking out the room, we got to the care home and played with Legos and dinosaurs (together, of course). At one point, one of the Lego people started riding around on a broom. I off-handedly said he was like Harry Potter. T’s face lit up and he stopped moving the Lego around. I asked him if he knew what I was talking about and he said yes. We told him his room was decorated like Harry Potter and he was very interested. (We’ve shown him his room before, but not explained it yet.) So that was a pretty great moment. 

Lego construction men riding helpful dinosaurs—naturally.

T & Daddy Brian (as he's called at the moment) & Roy

We got to go out to the mall with T for lunch. When we made the plans yesterday, T wanted pizza. He was very adamant on this point, as it is his favorite. We got to the restaurant and all of a sudden, it’s a cheeseburger and pizza. We compromised and he ordered just a cheeseburger and he could have some of our pizza if he was still hungry. Along with the cheeseburger, he also ordered a cream soda. That cheeseburger disappeared very quickly. Brian and I are sure he inhaled it—I think he’s going to be growing soon. He enjoyed watching the chefs take the pizzas out of the pizza oven. We played with Roy (I got my first full toothed grin from that). After a good meal together, we walked to a candy shop and T picked this test tube looking thing that sprays sour strawberry liquid. I tried it, squirting two times into my mouth and almost lost my lunch. T was squirting it up to ten times under his tongue and not even making a face. This kid.

Photos courtesy of T. He enjoyed taking photos at lunch.

When we were done at a delicious coffee shop with many unique single-origin African coffees (Brian’s words, not mine), we walked to the book shop. We’re really trying to build a love for reading books. We let T pick out a book, but had a difficult time finding one in English (Afrikaans is very prevalent in this area). He picked out this weird book about a girl giraffe with no neck who wears sparkly high heel books. Weird. It ended up being an ok book, thankfully. Along with that, we picked up a new illustrated Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone for him. We are going to start reading him chapter books while we’re here.

After the book store, we headed back. Our boy was tired, so there was very little talking on the way back. Occasionally we would hear him squirt that gross sour stuff and it got comical when he would squirt 7 times or 10 times. Once again, this kid. 

Back at the house, we played Legos again, read his new book and a couple of others, including my favorite from when I was his age—The Day Jimmy’s Boa Ate The Wash (pictured). We colored in his dinosaur coloring book and put a transportation puzzle together. When we finished and cleaned up, we told him we would come tomorrow after lunch (we're hoping to attend services at an Acts 29 church just south of here) and stay through dinner. He told us he wanted us to come in the morning. (I think he likes us!) Because of that request, we are now going to go to the 8:00 a.m. service at church and surprise him by coming in the morning.

Story time together. I love this picture.

I told Brian at dinner that this is the first day where leaving the care home was hard for me. The first and second day left me emotionally and physically tired and I needed a break. Today was hard to leave him at the home. Sitting at dinner felt a little empty because he wasn’t there inhaling food and giving shy smiles. I miss him. We can’t wait to go back tomorrow.

South Africa: Day 3, Pretoria

This morning began with a flurry of excitement. We woke up and headed to a mall (not the one from last night). The mall is huge! Think Mall of America huge, but just a little smaller, and no wasted space with "attractions." We got there just 5 minutes before they opened and scoped out Toys ‘R Us to see what their Lego offerings were (we had a gift to buy after all). Seeing what they had, we headed to Toy Kingdom which boasts the largest selection of Legos in South Africa. Along the way, we found balloons, party bags (or " loot bags"), candles, plates, and napkins with lions on them (just like Roy). At Toy Kingdom, we grabbed two Lego Jr. truck sets and some Hot Wheels cars and helicopters. We also found little bubbles for the loot bags and these crazy awesome water ballon things (100 finished and ready to go in a minute without having to tie anything—magic!). After completing our party list, we grabbed a quick breakfast and headed to visit with T.

Brian driving around in the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road.

When we arrived at the home, we were greeted by a huge hug from T (my heart melted). We brought all of the stuff for the party bags and had T help us stuff them. He did a great job and was very thoughtful in the process. He kept insisting that these bubbles were for his cousins (in America), these chips were for us, and so on. We told him we could buy bubbles for cousins when we got to America. T chose Avenger bubbles for both himself and Roy (it was his birthday today after all). After packing the bags, we played with his cars and Magformers. After a short stint with those toys, we busted out a dinosaur coloring and activity book and read some of the new books we had brought with us. T sat on Brian’s lap while I read the books.

While we were eating lunch, one of the orphanage volunteers and her daughters (who have been helping there for 6 years), told us about the Tooth Fairy at the home. Apparently this volunteer “extracts” the loose teeth, then the Tooth Fairy comes and leaves 5 Rand. The child is then allowed to go to a corner shop down the street with one of the Aunties and get a sweet. (We’ve seen so many instances of the workers trying to make life special for these kids, and working in special one-on-one interactions where possible.)

After lunch, T got to open his gift from us. It was a fun moment to watch. T and Brian took the cars/helicopters and Legos out and got to building. I headed outside to set up for the party. While playing, Brian observed that T was very intent on putting pieces together and loved working with the trucks and using the Lego broom to sweep up the little Legos. 

The party in its humble glory.

When we were ready for the party, we had T come out. We put a ‘7’ candle in his cupcake and attempted to light it (it was very windy). After Brian basically burned his hands off, we got it lit for a grand total of one second. After several more attempts, T got to blow out his candle and had a round of “Happy Birthday” sung. We passed out the green cupcakes with an orange blob in the middle and let the chaos and sugar high begin. There was cupcake everywhere. Ants were quickly on the scene for cleanup. Roy now has a little green on his snout where T shared some of his cupcake (adorable) and an orange smell from the juice he drank (sticky). 

A boy and his Roy.

After cupcakes and juice, we set the kids loose to have a water balloon fight. I thought it was going to be chaos, but it was fairly tame, all things considered. Most of the kids threw the balloons at the brick wall. Others pinched holes in theirs and squirted others. It was a good time. When all of the balloons were finished, T handed out the party bags and they all downed some more sugar. Surprisingly to Brian and I, the potato chips were a HUGE hit (we thought it a weird request from T). Most kids went straight to the chips and then the sugar. After the party was over, T, Brian, and I went back in to clean up. We said goodbye to our boy with a big hug and plans to go out on our first family outing tomorrow - getting one of T’s favorite foods, pizza for lunch (apparently KFC is a close second).

Today we saw a few instances of our son’s kindness. He has a tender heart that is really turned towards others. One example was when a girl’s balloon bounced off the wall and flew back into the crowd of kids, T was the first to it. Instead of throwing it himself, he handed it back to the distraught girl. We were told by one of the volunteers, who has known T for 6 years, that he used money he had saved up to buy a chocolate bar. He then proceeded to break it up into pieces and shared with many of the kids and workers. 

I honestly cannot believe we’ve only known this child two days. Obviously we still have much to learn about each other, but it feels so natural. Grace upon grace.

South Africa: Day 2, Pretoria

Today was a day we will always remember in our family—we met T for the first time! There are very few moments in your life that compare to meeting for the first time a child who will be a part of your family forever. After the initial awkwardness wore off (let’s face it—it’s awkward), we really enjoyed our time together. It felt surreal to be putting a puzzle together, coloring in the coloring books, and building Hot Wheels garages with him. He’s not just a file we’ve read or photos we’ve looked at, he’s a stinking cute, shy, thoughtful and contemplative kid with a sweet smile and a love for his new lion, "Roy."

Building garages for his cars.

While we were breaking the ice, we talked about his birthday party we’re going to celebrate tomorrow (we missed his actual birthday by a few days). He announced it was Roy’s birthday tomorrow and he needed a party for him, too. We decided we could celebrate Roy’s birthday with his birthday. He (and Roy?) wanted green cupcakes, balloons, potato chips, lollipops, party bags, juice boxes, and chocolate (later vetoed by his caregiver because it would melt in the 100°+ heat—wise woman). Along with party planning, he showed us his room and bed, introduced us to his brothers and sisters (other kids in the orphanage), and kept brushing down Roy’s unruly mane (which was the cutest thing ever).

Roy shortly after getting a mohawk, courtesy of T.

While spending time with T, and as he opened up more, we felt such a peace about this boy joining our family. His personality fits well with ours. He’s analytical and likes creating things, but still feels things deeply. That’s basically an amalgamation of Brian and I’s personality to a T (I can’t help myself when it comes to puns…even bad ones…please forgive me). We know everyone is on their best behavior right now, but from what we’ve been told of him and his personality, we know the Lord has gone before us, even in this.

After spending 4.5 hours with T, we left to get a quick nap in before we headed to the mall. We had a big list of things to buy for this celebration. Unfortunately for us, we had 1.5 hours to get everything by the time we got to the mall. Another unfortunate thing? The mall had lost power at some point during the day, and about 90% of the stores were closed. The other 10% must have paid extra for generators. We got the candy, cupcakes, juice boxes, and potato chips. The other things on our list—party bags, balloons, a gift for T, and candles for his (and Roy’s) cupcake—we are hoping to find tomorrow before meeting with him again. (We found another mall in the area to try tomorrow morning before meeting up with T.) The hour and a half goes by really quickly when you don’t have a Target where you can buy everything you need. We were going into shops (the ones that were open) hoping to find something off of our list. Time flew and the shops closed.

It was fun venturing out into Pretoria. The mall is different than American shopping centers in that there are grocery stores in the mall and within department stores. It’s also crazy how cheap things are. After we had exhausted everything that mall had to offer, we decided to grab dinner. We had a nice, sit-down meal while seated by the misting machines on the patio (it got up to 102 today!). The total for this delicious meal, including tip? $13! Score one for South Africa and one for our bank account.

I didn't get many photos while we were out and about due to helping Brian navigate, but this is one of THE biggest buildings I've ever seen. This photo does not do it justice. It's basically a skyscraper on its side.

By the time we were done with our frantic shopping and dinner, it had gotten pretty dark (a storm was rolling in, making it even darker). We had been warned not to stay out when it was dark for safety concerns. While we didn’t run into any issues with people on our ride back, we did run into an issue with technology. There are many traffic lights (called "robots" here) that are just out of service, making them four-way stops as in the US (though without the blinking red lights. It’s hard to know when its a four way stop because the robots are super hard to see, even when the lights are working. Those dead, small robots become a safety issue when you cannot see them coming in up the dark. Needless to say, our drive home was quite an adventure. We decided that we won’t make it a hard and fast rule, but we’re going to strive to be back to our hotel every night before dark to avoid the dangerous dead robots.

All in all, a pretty awesome day! We’re now back in our hotel room watching a SPORT (rugby). We’re growing in so many ways. We are excited to go visit T again. We’re excited to celebrate his 7th birthday.

South Africa: Day 1, Pretoria

Today we landed in T’s birth country of South Africa at 7:00 a.m. after a long (10.5 hours) and very bumpy flight from London. The flight was a little emotional because I hate long flights. Couple that with the turbulence we experienced and I was in tears at one point. Brian did not sleep at all and I slept maybe 30-60 minutes. But we made it safely! 

When we landed, I started crying because it hit me so hard we were here to meet T and become a family of three. Brian asked if I was ok and all I could reply was, “I’m so happy.” It’s been such a journey of processing the fact that after two years of paperwork and waiting, we are meeting the boy who will be stuck with us as parents forever.

We were greeted with a blinding sun (blinding after 8 mostly rainy days in London) and temperatures that reached 99 degrees. Good-bye, winter! After making it through the non-airconditioned waiting area for the border patrol, through customs, collected all three duffle bags, got our mobile phone SIM cards, and checked out our rental car, we were ready to head to our hotel, 30 minutes north in Pretoria.

Navigating this journey safely was difficult as we were so exhausted. Thankfully, drivers weren't nearly as crazy as they are in London. After making it in one piece and checking in to the hotel, we headed up to our suite (thank you, Hotwire). It is hard to describe the room, but I can tell for this area, it is a nice place. Being greeted by a super hot room (AC had been turned off) and a tub that doesn’t drain properly was a little bit of a reminder that we’re not in London anymore. Thankfully, they have a delicious restaurant with an all-you-can-eat buffet of South African staples.

View from our hotel room

View from our hotel room

View from our hotel room

After assessing our living quarters for the next week, we got a call from one of our social workers here (Rose). She said that T’s primary caregiver and social worker wanted to meet with us before we meet him tomorrow morning. We were thrilled to have them come to our hotel to meet, so we accepted. Then we slept. Hard. Then we woke up still tired.

At 4:00, we met with the caregiver and social worker. We talked with them for three hours. Most of it was about T (more info about his likes, dislikes, personality, history, etc). We also talked about South Africa and fun things to do in the area. I feel like the three hours we spent with them, readied my heart to meet T once and for all. Brian and I have both been so nervous about meeting him—what if he doesn’t like us? We don’t know him but for the limited things we have read on paper. Talking with these women who work day in and day out with T and clearly love him brought us such a peace. 

We’re now back in our room and getting ready for bed. All in all, a good day. Tomorrow, Lord-willing, will be better. We will meet our son!

Our Adoption Packing List

Calling all parents and people with opinions (that means everyone):

I've started packing T's bag, but need help. His clothes and shoes are covered, but I need help deciding what is necessary/helpful in the "keep this child entertained in a hotel room for 6 to 7 weeks" department. Below is a picture and list of things I'm considering. Am I missing anything? Is there something you feel is unnecessary? Did you have a favorite toy on vacations when you were a kid that we should consider? Please comment below. I want to make sure we've got all of our bases covered for maximum entertainment, but not maximum weight (we do have to ship this to South Africa)!

Our adoption packing list for the South Africa stay. We're looking to keep this kid entertained!

1. Over the door toy organizer (kinda like this one)
2. Educational books and puzzle
3. Animal puzzles
4. Fidget toy (found here)
5. Magformers (found here)
6. Pool float toy (we don't know if he can swim, so this seems helpful)
7. Toiletries and First Aid items: first aid kit, thermometer, lotion, body wash, toothbrush and toothpaste)
8. Coloring books and crayon holder
9. A couple of Lego creator sets
10. Water bottle
11. Osmo set (super awesome, educational games for the iPad)
12. A Lacing Lion (found here)
13. A few books (I'm thinking about adding a few more as I don't want to read these four books for 6-7 weeks).
14. Travel Games (Memory and Trouble)
15. Headphones
16. Lots of stickers (they're light!) and a blank bound book for creation and a fun memento of our time in South Africa
17. Bag of Matchbox Cars and safari animals

Good News!

There are many ways an adoption is like a pregnancy. You announce you're adopting, at some point you can announce the gender, and at the end of it all, you bring a kid home. One glaring way adoption is different than pregnancy is the millions of steps you take to get to the end. I am so thankful for the army of people on the other end of this blog who pray for us and encourage us. You are so valuable to us!

I'm sure you're wondering what the good news is at this point. We've received our approval from the US Dept. of Homeland Security/Immigration. What that means is that the agency in South Africa can now begin pursuing a court date. Once they have a court date, we will get notice to travel. We are getting close!! It was a miracle we got it so soon. It's only been two weeks and we were told it would be at least a month.

We are hoping and praying to bring T home before Christmas. It would be so sweet to have that season together as a family of three. In the meantime, we're preparing and working hard to get ready to bring T home. I hope this kid likes Legos! Good thing they're light! We can take some to South Africa with us.

Moving Forward

Last Wednesday, Brian and I sent an email to our agency telling them we would like to move forward in adopting T*! We are so excited because he seems to be a perfect fit for our family. Since we've accepted the informal referral, the agency and lawyers in South Africa will bring a referral request and our dossier before a court to request an official referral. This process will take about four weeks. That puts us about 3-4 months out before heading to South Africa if all goes well!

Please be praying with us as we are hoping that we will be approved and that it will take less time and we can get to South Africa sooner rather than later. Our desire is to be with our son for Christmas this year and home before the end of the year. 

More info to come soon!

*Real name will be withheld until he is legally our son.

IT'S HERE!

On Monday afternoon, we got the file! It's been a crazy week since. Brian and I are praying over this little fella and feeling really confident about him.

A lot of people have been asking what happens next, so here's a general timeline that we just got from the agency:

1. We will take his file to a doctor to be reviewed. It will help us understand the medical portion of the file.
2. We will notify the agency that we would like to officially make him ours!
3. The paperwork will be sent over to South Africa and we will receive his full file (we currently have a file with redacted information).
4. We will have two weeks to go over the full file and accept it.
5. If we accept the file, we will have to receive approval from our government and from the South African government.
6. When we've received the approvals, we will have the all clear to head over to pick up our kid!

Our prayer is for clarity and timing. We are praying that if this little guy is ours, we would be bringing him home by the end of the year. Please pray with us! Thank you for walking with us this far! We will write an update when we have one. Stay tuned!

Hope in the Lord

This season of waiting has been hard. If you've talked to me in the last three weeks, it seems the waiting has intensified as we are waiting for some paperwork and for a file to come through from South Africa. Each day I wake up with hope for the day. And each day, for the last three weeks, I've given up hope somewhere around 10:30 am because the work day is officially over in South Africa. 

When you are waiting for an adoption to move forward, you have such hope. You hope for the timeline to be quick (you don't want to wait for 10 years), you hope for the child to be loved where they're at right now, you hope they will be protected from evil people who prey on helpless children, you hope that when you meet them for the first time they don't hate you. You hope and you hope and you hope. These past few weeks have been filled with such hope; it's almost overwhelming at times. As we've been waiting and hoping, I've found such encouragement and joy in Scripture.

Over and over again in the Psalms, we are called to hope in the Lord.

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.”

— Psalm 130:5-8, ESV

“O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time forth and forevermore.”

— Psalm 131:3, ESV

“Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord his God,
who made heaven and earth,
the sea, and all that is in them,
who keeps faith forever;
who executes justice for the oppressed,
who gives food to the hungry.”

— Psalm 146:5-7, ESV

As I looked at my watch this afternoon and saw that it is bedtime for our child in South Africa and realized we will be waiting until Monday (at least), I realized that God is not wasting this time. This huge idea of waiting on the Lord and having hope in the Lord is finally settling into my soul. I am starting to understand more fully what it means (in my own small way) to hope in the Lord. God has allowed me to translate this season of waiting into a deeper understanding of hoping in Him and I am so thankful.

I am realizing more as I write this out that my hope in the adoption, for a child, is not a bad thing, but it could and probably will disappoint. My hope in God will never disappoint. God will never disappoint. 

Peace in Waiting

I've sat down and started several blog posts over the last couple of months, but was unable to publish them. For fear of sounding like a broken record, I just didn't have anything new to say. It was tough. Knowing something and seeing it on a screen in front of you made it more real for me.

In the midst of this season of waiting, one thing has emerged—peace. The last file we looked at was in December. Over the past six months, the Lord has done such a great work. When I am tempted to freak out over the many things on my mind God was so quick to remind me about the sweetness of His sovereignty. 

Back in April, we got some disappointing news about the adoption. Providentially, that week, I was preparing to talk about the sovereignty of God at our women's seminar. When tempted to freak out, I already had Scripture floating through my mind to calm my heart. God has been so good to remind me of these truths over and over. (I often need to be reminded, as I quickly forget.)

As we are praying for the right child for our family, please pray with us. We don't know how our family will look at the end of this process, but we are trusting that the Lord knows and will work powerfully to take orphans on the other side of the world and bring them into our family.

Thank you for praying with us and asking if there's any new news. It is so encouraging us that people care. We look forward to the day when we have big news to share.

Little Things

We've been asked by many if there are any updates. Simply put - nope. Nothing. All is quiet on the adoption front. In this quiet, I find small glimpses of things to come in the little things. I wanted to share a few of them with you.

I found these sweet, kid-sized kicks at a garage sale for $1! For those of you who have never set eyes on my husband, he's practically a walking advertisement for Puma. I joke with him that I think his endorsement checks are getting lost in the mail. I saw these and instantly was able to envision our child wearing shoes just like their dad.

Last week in Knoxville, my mom did a treasure hunt with my nieces and nephew. They were sent to hunt for chocolate coins imprinted to look like actual currency. The only coin they didn't find was a coin from South Africa. My mom saved it for me. It was a sweet reminder to pray for our kid(s).

The last little thing was a set of Transformers letters I found at a thrift store. I sent Brian a text while I was at the store to see if he wanted me to get them. He replied enthusiastically that he did want them and that he used to have the 'M'. When I brought them back to the house, Brian proceeded to transform all 26 letters of the alphabet (he had a little help from the Oneal kids).

I've noticed and have been thankful for these little things throughout our days. I've currently got the kid Pumas sitting under the glass in our coffee table. It reminds me that, Lord-willing, those shoes will be filled some day. We are very much looking forward to that day!

Mandela

I remember where I was when I heard the news exactly one year ago. I was taking a break from crazy cleaning our house when I turned on my phone and opened the CNN app. Above all of the other news stories, there was the headline: Nelson Mandela had passed away. 

We had known for quite some time that we were planning on adopting from South Africa. We had started research into the history and culture. The history in the past 50 years culminated around one man, Nelson Mandela. 

When I sat down to think about the ramifications his death would have on a country we had grown to love, I was struck with the thought that our children, unless they were babies, could possibly remember this day in great detail. Those caring for them could be in mourning. The orphanage could take on an atmosphere of loss. 

We all have moments we remember very clearly. My grandparents remember where they were when they heard Kennedy was shot. I remember with great detail where I was when I heard about the Twin Towers falling (third period German class). I wonder if our kids will remember where they were when they heard the news about Mandela.

I am thankful that God put such a man in South Africa at the right time. Oppression had gone unchecked for far too long. So many people were able to rally around Mandela who spent 27 years of his life in prison. When he was released, he was an integral part in overthrowing the apartheid. He was a man who loved his countrymen and fought for their freedom and liberties. Lord willing, the influence he had on the country he loved will continue on and bless many generations to come.

One year later

One year ago, I clipped the envelope holding our adoption application onto our mailbox. I remember waiting with eager anticipation to watch the mail man grab it and walk away. Thus began our adoption process. It was a quiet beginning and has had ups and downs since. One whole year...

It is a bittersweet anniversary. When we started this process last December, we thought we would be in South Africa by now, meeting our kids, and being parents. We've since learned that was a misunderstanding on our part, but it doesn't diminish the hope we felt in this being a quick process.

It is a sweet moment, too, because more than anything I'm learning the Lord's timing is best in this process. In the year we've been walking this path, we've prayed over seven children and felt they were not our kids. I cannot wait for the day when the Lord answers our prayers to show us who are kids are supposed to be. God's timing is perfect, so the fact that we are not in South Africa right now means that this moment, being lived right here in Aurora, Illinois, is best.

For those of you still praying with us and encouraging us as we wait on the Lord, thank you. Your kind words, prayers, and listening ears are invaluable. You mean more to us than you know and your part in our adoption story is essential.

What's Next?

Now that our dossier has been completed and shipped, we've gotten the question "What's next?" quite a bit in the last few weeks. Well, the next step was for our dossier to be received in country, but we were notified Tuesday afternoon that it was received by the agency in South Africa. That's a huge relief!

So the answer is that the next step of the process is waiting. Nothing to do. No paperwork to collect, sign, notarize, or apostille. It's all done for now. Now we wait. Now life continues as normally as possible knowing that life could change at the drop of a hat (as any life can). It's just different because we've removed all barriers to getting these kids home. All paperwork is turned in. All it takes is a phone call and a file of a child (or children) in our inbox. 

It's been mentioned by several people that waiting must be the hardest part. For both Brian and I, it is one of the easier times. We know that the timing is completely in God's hands. Our kids will come home at the exact moment He has ordained. There is a huge peace we've found in trusting the Lord. A quote by Paul Tripp has been brought to mind several times since we started waiting.

“You live your life in the utterly mundane. If God doesn’t rule your mundane, He doesn’t rule you because that’s where you live.”

— Paul Tripp, War of Words (sermon)

Our life, while different than some, is mundane. We go to work, we eat dinner, laundry is done, cleaning, repeat. There has been a sweetness to handing this season over to the Lord. It's no longer up to us to finish anything. It's all done. Now we wait, trusting the Lord to rule in this season, as well as the next.

Prayer Requests

• Please pray with us that the Lord would protect our kid(s) during this season of waiting. Pray He would provide loving caregivers, food, clothing, and shelter - things we cannot provide for them at this time.
• Pray for us as we wait and prepare to welcome the child(ren) into our lives. 

Bon Voyage, Dossier!

On Monday, we received an email from our adoption agency that we had done two things incorrectly on our dossier. I was really frustrated, but thankfully did not feel depressed or overwhelmed. I felt determined. Tuesday night we got the items notarized and, on Wednesday, I found myself on a train headed to Chicago. I was downtown for almost two hours, running from the apostille office to FedEx to overnight the paperwork. Thankfully, the predicted downpour and lightning held off.

Yesterday we got this from our agency:

Naturally, we needed to celebrate, so I went by Dairy Queen before community group and bought a YAYYYYYY!! cake. As I was walking back to my car holding the cake, I realized every color from the South African flag was represented. Pretty great!

The Dairy Queen cake decorator really phoned it in on the icing application. Thankfully, it didn't affect the taste of the cake!

All of this to say - our dossier is shipping off to South Africa today! Please pray it would arrive safely and be viewed favorably by those who review it. We are so thankful to have gotten through this difficult phase of our adoption journey and praise God for His strength made known in our weakness.